Something Tells Me I’m Going to Fail At This

I am sitting here, trying to come up with a post to write for today and realizing that I may have been a bit hasty in deciding to post every day this year. My last post was less than a hundred words, I believe, and I really didn’t say much of anything. I’m also a bit afraid that this post is going to be more of the same, despite my not wanting it to be. Anyhow, we’re going to discuss why I thought that doing this was going to be a good idea, and what is currently causing my anxiety to skyrocket – and maybe a possible solution…beyond my banging my head on the concrete floors in our apartment.

I decided to try and post every day this year because I want to get in the habit of writing regularly. I am tired of having unfinished written works laying around and knowing that it’s my fault that they’re like that. I want to finish my works – as I cannot share them with anyone until they are completed. Plus every book, article, website, etc. about writing says that in order to become a better writer, you have to write and I hadn’t been doing that. This idea is my hopefully non-foolish attempt at accomplishing both of these things…but we will see how it goes.

Moving on, my anxiety levels are sky-high. My main method of dealing with it is currently not working – well, that’s not technically correct. My TS3 game isn’t loading, so it would work if it did. :( I know the solution – get a new computer, but I won’t have the funds for it until that thing I mentioned in an earlier post happens. So I honestly don’t know what to do – but I am open to suggestions.

New Year Wishlist

It is currently 8° outside, and I’m not only cold, I have a headache as well. This means that I don’t want to write a post that requires a lot of energy/thought to be put in it. Therefore, the result of this want means that you get to read the first wishlist post of 2018 – I know, it’s very thrilling. Haha, yeah right. ;) Anyhow, I hope that you enjoy viewing some of the things that I am desiring on this glacial, January night…also, I seem to have gotten into the habit of writing the posts the night before. *shrugs* I will also admit that this wishlist is influenced by the weather, as well as my current state of mind…plus possibly some upcoming good events in my life. However, I will discuss them more as they get closer. Without further introduction, beyond the fact that this list is in no particular order, here is my wishlist for the new year!

  1. 2006 BMW X5 3.0i – One of the things that I need to do when it gets warmer is to get my Driver’s License…yes, I am in my mid-thirties and I haven’t got it yet. Why, you may be asking? I could honestly tell you several different things, but the reason is relatively simple. I haven’t wanted my Driver’s License…this hasn’t really changed, but proper motivation will soon arrive.
  2. The following items from Kylie Cosmetics: Lipstick in Passion, Lipstick in Puppy Love, Gloss in Damn Gina, Lip Kit in Koko K, Lip Kit in Candy K, Lip Kit in Posie K, Lip Kit in High Maintenance, Velvet Lip Kit in Harmony, Gloss in Cupid, and Gloss in Koko K. Then again, you could always just get me a gift card. :P
  3. Rebecca Minkoff Mini M.A.C. Crossbody in black with rose gold hardware, and if you’ve been to my blog in the past and read any of my old wishlist posts, then you’ll be well aware of my obsession with rose gold.
  4. These faux leather moto leggings would go perfectly with this neutral Reed cashmere pullover sweater and a cute pair of ankle boots. Perhaps, these would work…if only it wasn’t so damn cold or I wouldn’t look like an idiot wearing socks with them.
  5. The cold weather makes me want to stay inside, but I still want to keep up with the world via social media which means that the following items are absolute essentials: Apple iPhone SE 32GB in Rose Gold naturally, and it needs a case – a personalized one is protective in more ways than one. Then to capture all of those moments – y’all know the ones that I mean, I definitely need a selfie stick and selfie light.
  6. Then since my eyes hurt from browsing social media on my phone, it’s time to unwind by playing The Sims 4 with all expansion and stuff packs installed on my iMac Pro.

Okay, so this turned into a perfect day post, kind of…and I’m kind of fine with it, but then again…that knocks out a post for another day?! This basically means that I’m ending it here so that I can do that post another day.

Underdog: Or My Attempt at Making the Super Bowl Relatable

We’ve all heard the word, underdog but have you ever really thought about what it means? According to an underdog is either someone who is expected to lose in a conflict or contest, or a victim of social or political injustice. Most of us know the first definition, as it is the one that we use when talking about sporting events such as the Super Bowl or the World Series. However, and I’m going to play the devil’s advocate for a minute here, but one could argue that the definition doesn’t fit in either case. All teams that are eligible for these events have an equal chance of winning; the problem is with how well they manage their players, their facilities, and the funds. So, as a result of this, I am not going to discuss the first definition of being an underdog…instead, let’s skip to the second part that says “a victim of social or political injustice”. Once again, I am sure that you can probably think of an example of this, however, I have chosen a few that stand out for some reason or another – I’d love to know if you think that they actually fit the definition, or if this word has become trite and overused.1

First, we have The Lord of the Rings and the character of Frodo Baggins…a character that when we first meet him in the story we wonder how in the world he’s going to succeed at his quest. We know that he’ll succeed, or that the quest will be a successful one, as he is the protagonist in a fantasy may take 700+ pages. Therefore, what makes Frodo an underdog? His fellow characters had no confidence in his ability to complete the quest, he at times had no confidence in his ability to complete the quest, and as a result, we readers lost our confidence in his ability to complete the quest. Yet, he completed the quest and became a hero – he did this by carrying an unbearable burden where nobody else could have taken it, and he suffered the loss of his own self in carrying the ring. The fact that he managed to resist the lure of the Ring is perhaps the most heroic act that any character in literature ever faced, and he helps us to realize that we cannot face certain tasks on our own. We need the support of multiple people – both powerful and not so powerful. He teaches us that just because we receive help – this doesn’t make us any less of a hero…or any less of an underdog. Frodo, in essence, put everything that he had into reaching his goal – even knowing that he would quite possibly fail.

What do you get when you get a child whose parents were killed by an evil wizard, who was sent to live with relatives that absolutely despised him, and who every year for seven years of his schooling was almost killed multiple times? You get, Harry Potter – referred to as “the boy who lived.” He was an underdog from the beginning…he was expected to have died when Voldemort killed his parents, yet he didn’t. He was a scrawny, geeky kid who lived under the stairs of his relatives home…yet he managed to defeat “the world’s most powerful wizard.” Also, I agree with Harry – Dumbledore is the world’s most powerful wizard and I’ll do a post on that at a later date.

On the film front, there are so many underdogs that are based on sports – in fact, the majority of sports movies are about the underdog. Therefore, we’ll discuss the one that popped into my head that is not related to sports. We have Billy Elliot – a tale of an English boy who dreams of becoming a ballet dancer. Billy is both the youngest son of a coal miner and the younger brother of a coal miner. However, the coal miners are on strike – and there is a stigma to being a male ballet dancer. Billy soon learns that his best friend is, in fact, gay – however, Billy is not and is supportive of his friend. He continued to practice ballet, and he is seen by his father who realizes that Billy is in fact truly gifted and vows to help him achieve his dreams, no matter what. Billy’s father plans to cross the picket line, so he can go back to work to raise the money – but he is stopped by his fellow miners who help him and Billy’s older brother raise the funds for Billy to go to London and audition. I’m not going to tell you any more, as I don’t want to spoil the ending – but it is definitely worth a watch.

I’d love to hear about some of your favorite underdogs from literature and film, and do you agree that the ones I mentioned fit one of the definitions of an underdog? If so, which one? Finally, for those who are unaware, the featured image is from a TV series created in the late 1950s by General Mills to sell cereal…yes, even back then they used cartoon characters to sell things to children. I definitely recommend checking out the show – reading a bit more about it here.

  1. Note: Most of these are from literature and film, as I am operating was operating on less than 4 hours of sleep.

In Which I Attempt to Begin to Daily Blog

Today is the beginning of yet another new year, and to some cultures, it’s also the beginning of a new week – personally, I go by what day the calendar says the week begins, and so that was Sunday. However, this isn’t the purpose of this blog and it’s not to tell you my New Year Resolutions as I haven’t technically made any this year as of yet. More than likely, I will probably get around to thinking about making some around St. Valentine’s Day or if we’re really lucky, on the 25th of January1. No, the purpose of this post is far more nefariosu…at least to someone like me who doesn’t care to be tied down, to make plans in advance. I know what you’re thinking…why do I have a website when you have to pay for them at least a year at a time? Honestly? Sometimes I don’t know…sometimes I consider contacting my lovely host, Lysianthus, and telling her that I’m throwing in the towel…that I no longer want to own a website or blog anymore. Then another part of me screams that “You have never ” anything in your life, and you’re going to start now?!” I try to quiet it by saying that I technically quit University, and it reminds me that if I’m trying to go back…then I’ve not actually quit, that I’m just on an extended sabbatical. Anyhow, as you can probably tell from the title, I am going to attempt to blog every single day this year – I have a total of four different post types currently that you’ll be able to read, and hopefully, I’ll remember to put them under the right tag every time.2 I am also going to try and do the post on the actual day – however, I will admit that I may queue up some posts if I get lucky enough to go on vacation, if I am able to find employment, or if I am able to go back to University.

Writing Prompt #3:3
You receive an unmarked envelope with a check for $5,000,000 inside. It’s a legitimate check, what do you do with it? Do you ever find out who it is from? How does it change your life?

Let’s begin with do, I ever find out who it is from…I would imagine that a check for that amount of money would have some sort of identification on it, as the bank would have to verify that the funds are available before depositing it into the combination checking/savings account that I would open. After opening this combination checking/savings account, I would then proceed to purchase my mom a new vehicle – perhaps a 2018 Chevrolet Trax, midnight edition. We would then drive to this particular Kroger, as they sell both sushi – which we both adore and Starbucks, which is one of my obsessions that I hardly ever get to have. After grabbing these items, we’d drive around our hometown looking at land – Mom would love to have a home of her own with a space to have a garden, and of course, I’d love to have a pool. Then the process of choosing a home plan – this one from Menards would be absolutely perfect. The bedrooms are separate, which Mom would love as my being on the computer working on this website or any other one I would end up getting, or my playing The Sims would not disturb her. It’s all on a single level, great for both Mom and our dog Colby who in his almost ten-years of life…beyond the one to get into our apartment. This, of course, brings us to a temporary standstill – as we’d have to decorate the house4, and I’d go back to University – but neither can happen until the house is completed.

As for rather or not, I’d ever find out who it is from – as much as my curiosity would kill for me to find out, I would figure that I’d received it anonymously for a reason. I’d naturally want to find out, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to search for my mysterious, yet wealthy benefactor. I would start a new series here on the blog, telling them about what I have done with the funds and how much I appreciate their generous gift.

Finally, would my life change? I don’t know…why don’t you tell me? I currently live in public housing, I am on welfare, and I don’t have a university/college-education. So would my life change? I’d say, it would most definitely change.

I would love to read all of your posts for this particualr prompt, so if you decide to do it – send me the link via Twitter with the #2018WritingPrompts.

  1. Only an odd date if you don’t know the significance.
  2. No promises.
  3. All of the writing prompts are from this app and that’s where the numbering system comes into play.
  4. Let me know if you’d like me to do posts on this topic

First Impressions: Fact or Fiction

I originally posted something like this on my very first domain, Nouveau Prep, back on the 26th of February 2009…however, I highly doubt that anyone who read that post will read this one and remembers anything about it. So I’m going to admit that parts of this are from the original, also written by myself, post.

To begin, I want you to take a glance at the picture I chose for my sidebar…and think about what you originally thought of the person in the picture. Because let’s be honest, you probably immediately formed some sort of impression. First impressions are based on several things – your mood when you first saw the picture, your experiences with people named Jessica – one can’t take that out in this scenario considering it’s right above the picture, even how well you recognize Snapchat filters to how you feel about social media and those who use it. A few of you may have thought that she looks like a nice, sweet girl; while others might have thought that this girl is a total, stuck-up bitch. The truth of the matter is that neither group is 100% correct nor 100% wrong. That, there, is the problem with using your first impression to decide how you truly feel about a person.

First impressions don’t consider what a person may be going through in their current life. Perhaps when you meet a girl who’s being a bitch – she might have just broken up with her boyfriend or any other number of things. Then again, the girl might just really be a bitch. Personally, I believe that no single person can be in a bad mood 100% of the time. So I would be likely to ask how everything is going – and really mean it when I do so – and consider what they tell me before I judge how I feel about them personally.

Another thing that could affect how a person comes across both in life and on social media, is the way that they have been treated. This treatment can occur in several different ways – from when a male celebrity starts dating a new girl/guy and his fans reaction to it to past relationships with friends, family, etc. We have a tendency to judge people based on what we know, what we have personally experienced…and sometimes people need a second, or even multiple, chances to prove that they are a person worthy of being loved and cared for. Because to be honest, even a sociopathic serial killer needs to fill this way…even if they will never be able to reciprocate these feelings.

However, I have not always felt this way. Things happen, and people change. In my case, it has happened over a period of time…but what brought it to the forefront was when I attended the Southern Illinois Women’s Teen Conference on the 21st of February, back in 2009 – shortly before the original of this post went up. While attending this conference, I listened to this guy say that nothing that happens to you in your life – not being poor, rich, single parent, sexually abused, etc. – has an effect on your life. Absolutely nothing…not your thoughts, not your emotions.

The truth of the matter is that, like it or not, every single thing has an effect on the person that you are, the person that you become, and on how those around you view you – the impression that people judge you by. Every single thought, action, word spoken…every single thing forms a cohesive whole. Yet we are judged, and we judge, based on fleeting moments of time, on impressions that may be real or imaginary.

So I ask you this, do you feel that the things that have happened in your life had an influence on the person that you are today? Do you feel that you have been unfairly judged by someone because of a fleeting moment in time?

Finally, I’m ending with this: The next time you meet someone new, take the time to really get to know him/her before you decide if they are someone that you wish to hang out with. Who knows you might make some new friends? I also suggest that if you made a snap judgement on another person, give them another chance…they might end up surprising you.

Hello, World: A Typical Post

I am currently sitting here, writing this the first post in the newly restarted Jessica’s Thoughts, and wondering two main things – the first being why am I not finishing my jar of Nutella, and the second, perhaps most important of the two, being why am I even bothering to start over for the umpteenth time?! Am I that much of a masochist? Or do I simply need to find my Christian Gray? 1 Perhaps I even need to do some soul-searching to truly figure out who I am and what my purpose here on Earth truly happens to be. Yet, I don’t have the slightest idea of where to begin – I’ve always felt like I’ve done better when directed at what I should do, ie. attending public school for twelve+ years…I was secure in the knowledge that every single day was basically the same, and that all I had to do was follow directions and study what I was told. Then high school graduation came, and I had to decide on a subject to study for the next two to eight years…sometimes longer. I am no longer ashamed to admit that I went into panic mode…a mode that is still ongoing to this very moment. The mere thought of choosing a single subject to study when I am interested in every single thing under the Sun to base the entire rest of my life around, sends me into fits of anxiety. A part of me believes that this is the main reason I have so much trouble blogging regularly…it seems that most people want to put everything and everyone into nice, neat little boxes. Well, I have a newsflash if you happen to be one of those people, no one is shaped like a box. :P 2 The idea of being set into a specific box, a certain description, drives me crazy and it should you as well…this is because I am more than the labels that society tries to put on me. I am also less than those labels, because some of them I can not ever imagine living up to them, or downgrading myself to fit them. :hmm:

However, this post isn’t about my labels, or lack thereof. It’s an introduction to myself, and the fact that I truly have no idea of who I am, what I am supposed to be doing, or anything like that. It’s also about the fact that I am slowly becoming able to accept all of the above, and that I am realizing I am the only one who has to be content, satisfied with the direction that I am taking my life. It’s also about my realizing that I’ve yet to reach any moment of fulfillment, of self-actualization…and I have to decide, Am I alright with the fact that my life isn’t what I’ve always dreamt it would be? Or am I strong enough to wake up from my dream state, and start actually living life? Perhaps not, but then there is the fact that I can no longer continue this route I am travelling…and we end up coming back to my having to choose a subject, a field to devote my entire life.

So this begs the question, what do I have the biggest interest in? What am I passionate about? What makes me want to get up in the morning? Honestly? I don’t know what to answer about any of these questions…I don’t recall telling past teachers that I’m going to become the President of the United States one day. Edit: Actually, I do recall telling a couple of my teachers this exact same thing and asking them to vote for me when I do run. Haha, if I recall every single one of them agreed to vote for me…which is either a bit encouraging or discouraging, depending on your point of view.

Did I show any signs of being a leader, of being Presidential material? No, I mainly had my nose stuck in some book or another – I recall that I was re-reading the Classics at the time, along with a few series: The Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys…all come to mind. I also vaguely remember wanting to run away from home and to live in a box car, and to solve mysteries. :P Do you think any of my previous teachers would have said, that’s a wonderful idea and you should definitely go do it? Probably not – they would have noted it down in my file, and then recalled it if I happened to disappear. While neither of these is even close to what ended up happening – they do make for a somewhat interesting (read: extremely boring and pointless) story to tell when I can’t figure out what to write in a blog post.

As y’all can probably tell, I honestly have no idea what to write and I am beginning to ramble about absolutely nothing. Both of these tell me that I need to end this post, and go work on something else – perhaps even finish writing my response to being tagged for the Liebster Award by Megan [], even though everyone that I can think of to tag for it is either not currently blogging or has decided that they don’t have time to maintain a blog (Ali, I’m referring to you in this statement – the world needs to hear your words about God and how to grow in relationship with him!). I’m also having trouble coming up with the eleven questions to ask my nominees, as I don’t want to ask the typical questions of why do you blog, etc. Yet, I also don’t want the questions to trigger anxiety in my nominees…so I’m currently caught between a rock and a hard place.3

While I am trying to figure this out, the questions for the Liebster Award…not my entire life, I will be doing some work around the site and posting a bit on social media – so if you’re not following me, go do it right now! All of the links should be in the sidebar, and if one isn’t there, leave me a comment and I’ll start an account if I haven’t already got one. Also, leave a comment if you know why I chose the featured image.

Thought of the Day

The gate to happiness is self-compassion.

  1. For future reference, I don’t view Anastasia and Christian’s relationship as healthy…at the beginning.
  2. Also, if you don’t understand sarcasm, please leave my blog right this moment, thanks!
  3. Of all the sayings, this one confuses me the most.