A New Beginning

A New Beginning

At the time I am writing this post, it has been exactly 442 days, or 1 year 2 months 16 days, since I last posted and honestly, that is not acceptable. I will admit I had a very good reason or two for not wanting to come on here and pretend everything was going well…the least of them being that doing so would’ve been a complete lie. I have made an effort since I originally began blogging back in January 2000-almost twenty years ago, to always be completely honest with you, my visitors, and I will continue to be honest. Even if it means that I do not post as often as I can – because I do not want to fake being happy, being content with my life. All of us experience enough of that online.

For those who are curious, I sadly do not have any of my blog posts from the early 2000s – the earliest ones are from 2009 on my very first top-level domain, nouveau-prep.net. It was the first time that I used WordPress and the version not attached to WordPress.com. Prior to this, I had run my sites using a combination of Geocities or Angelfire, Xanga or LiveJournal. I didn’t know that I was supposed to do backups of my site and its contents…but that doesn’t mean that I always remember to do so. Luckily, sites like Archive.org exists – so I can go back and read my old blog posts, and in the future, perhaps repost them with updates. Needless to say, one tends to learn a lot when they have been doing something for twenty years. However, I will also admit that there are a lot of things that I still do not know, that I still haven’t achieved when it comes to blogging, social media, and the like.

But anyway, all of that is for a future post, and I am going to explain my prolonged absence from my site, from posting blog entries. Those of you who follow me on social media (links in the sidebar to the left) will know that I have recently lost three people who were very important to me. First was my Mom, my best friend, in June 2018 due to complications from diabetes. Then in December 2019, shortly before Christmas, I lost someone who was like a Grandpa to me due to a combination of a brain aneurysm and a house fire. The most recent loss occurred on the 16th when I lost someone who was like a Grandma to me. She died from a broken heart, as it was her husband who died shortly before Christmas. So as you can imagine, I have been wavering between being in tears and wanting to scream in anger, frustration. I have also been constantly questioning God on why he has decided to take away the majority of my offline support system. I have yet to receive an answer, but so far, I am surviving.

The next thing that has recently happened is I am pretty sure that my dog, Colby, has had a minor stroke. He seems to be recovering – he’s eating and he is just a little off-balance. He also has this little tilt to his head, which honestly just makes him look even more adorable. Before any of you go to the comment section to complain, and say that I am neglecting Colby by not taking him to the vet. I would like to remind you that there are two treatments – both of which depend on whether or not he is eating. There is also the fact that I am currently a few months behind on my rent – so any money that I currently receive goes towards my rent so Colby and I aren’t homeless. Plus, I would like to add that at the time I was writing this, Colby is laying on his Avengers beanbag couch sleeping.

In less depressing news, I am in the process of applying for a job at a local Senior Center. The person who told me about the job is confident that I will get a job there…as for me, I wish I could say the same. I have so much trouble filling out job applications-mainly because my work history is so sporadic and the idea of working with people that I don’t know triggers my social anxiety. I am not saying that I dislike people…I just prefer them in one of two ways offline – either one on one or in a situation where no one notices who is really there like a sporting event. Of course, both these situations also have their own problems that trigger my anxiety but that is for another day, another post.

I am beginning to realize how much I have missed blogging, how much I missed the process of writing a new post, but I will have to write about my blogging process in the future. This leads me to the questions for this post. It’s time for me to go warm up some leftovers.

Questions of the Post

  1. Do you have any pets? Names/Ages/Types.
  2. Have you ever lost anyone close to you? How did you deal with the grief?
  3. What is one thing that made you happy in 2019?

Be sure to subscribe – because then you’ll know when I post. I will add that I am going to attempt to post more regularly, to develop a schedule of some sort. However, it will take some time for me to set it up completely.

Christmas Card Exchange?

Christmas Card Exchange?

I have contacted the company with a question on whether it is safe to place these in a printer, and if they have a tutorial available for doing so. At the time of publication, I have not heard from them. I will update this post once I hear back.

My apologies, but once again, I must subject you, my lovely visitors to a post in which I have received a product for free in exchange for my thoughts and opinions on the said product. This time, the product is a set of 36 Woodland Animal Christmas cards. The blank cards, yes blank?!, arrived at my home via the USPS on a rainy day, and I was glad to see that they had been packaged in a waterproof envelope. Upon opening the package, I was greeted with a shallow rectangular box with the words “Christmas Cards” imprinted on it. The first thing I saw once the box was opened was a message from the company, thanking me for my purchase. I have to admit that my first thought was that was sweet of them, however, I soon grew annoyed when I discovered that they had put ‘pls’ instead of writing out the word ‘please’, and that they felt the need to explain how to seal an envelope.

The next item in the box was a set of 20 round stickers, saying “Merry Christmas!” I was very glad that these were included as the mere thoughts of having to go through the process they described in the note on how to seal the envelopes made me feel just a bit tired. Then I came to the cards themselves, 36 of them with 6 different designs. The first thing I noticed, after gushing to my neighbor’s daughter over the cuteness of the designs is that unlike most Christmas cards that have the logo of the company that printed them, these were completely blank save the front design.

I am sitting here, trying to figure out what else to tell you about these cards and I have to admit that I am at a loss. I’m not the type of person who handwritten messages in cards, mainly because my handwriting is quite mundane. I’ve never been complimented on the attractiveness of my handwriting, at least not the letters themselves. The numbers, however, are an entirely different story, and the compliment was more on the neatness of them, and on how easy my Algebra homework was to grade.1 Personally, I would’ve preferred to have a message that gave directions on using a printer to do the messages if one so chose.

As for the title itself, I’m debating whether I want to do a Christmas card exchange with my online friends. It honestly depends on several different factors, mainly my housing situation and my money situation. If I do decide to have one, I will announce it on my Twitter and then offer a sign-up form here on the site.

  1. I still failed Algebra twice. Arithmetic has never been my best subject.

Cold Weather Essentials

I’m going to admit a truth – as much as I adore fall, and even winter, there are a few things that I could do without such as freezing cold temperatures and having ice on the roads and sidewalks.1 Of course, with things that I could do without, there is the exact opposite – there are certain items that I feel are a necessity for a great cold weather season. I’d like to add that this post contains a link to a product for which I have received for free in exchange for writing about the said product and expressing my true, honest opinions. The remainder of the items are things I feel assist one with nights during the cold weather, as well as those days that never seem to end.

First, we’ll begin with the health items – because keeping healthy during cold weather is difficult as we are indoor and around other people a lot more. Let’s face it, people are walking, talking germ machines – spending more time with people means that the germs travel from place to place. Therefore, since we are more inclined to get sick – I’m beginning with a few items that can help combat an illness or keep you from getting ill in the first place.

The first item we’re going to discuss is a humidifier. There are five types of humidifiers, but for the purpose of this blog post, I’m going to be talking about the Large Ultrasonic Cool Mist Humidifier, pictured to the left. Like warm mist humidifiers, cool mist humidifiers relieve dry skin, chapped lips, allergies, flu, and asthma symptoms by releasing moisture into the air. The extra moisture in the air rehydrates your skin, nasal passages, and respiratory system, relieving congestion, nosebleeds, and sore throats. It also has the added benefit of being safe for small children, as hot water or steam from a warm-mist humidifier or steam vaporizer can burn a child if he or she gets too close. Of course, the best way to keep from getting the flu is to get the flu shot – an influenza vaccination can reduce the risk of flu illness by 50 to 60% in the general population and can decrease the severity and side effects if you get sick. Then to stall the spread of germs, if you don’t already use a debit or credit card for every purchase, stock up on both pens and hand sanitizer.

Since I’m getting quite tired of discussing ways to stay healthy during colder weather, we’re going to move on to ways to stay warm if you absolutely have to leave the house. Though since you can order most things from Amazon and as for food, well, delivery is always an option – but staying in is the next section. The first thing you need is a warm coat. The most important thing to remember is that if it is super cute, but leaves you freezing, forget it! A great winter coat can cost a bit more, but you should view it as an investment. Personally, I prefer to get one in a solid, neutral color such as black, grey, or navy 2 Then dress in layers – thermals are a girl’s best friend, not diamonds, and they come in so many cute styles. Another good layer choice is leggings…I personally wear them year-round, but they are perfect under your favorite pair of boyfriend jeans. The only thing is to make sure that you purchase the longest length available for your size, meaning ankle-length or stirrups. Finally, on the bottom, we need a cute pair of warm boots. I tend to go with the basic girl choice of Ugg boots, as these fur-lined boots keep toes cozy, warm, and protected from the elements.

So we’ve braved the cold weather, and decided that we are going to spend the rest of the winter, warm and cozy inside. Congratulations! Oh, but wait…there are a few things that you need. First, the leggings from when you went out will work perfectly – they are warm, lightweight, and easy to move around in. To go with the leggings, you need a cute pair of fuzzy socks or slippers. Then a cozy, oversized shirt or some other cute top…then you need either a video game that you are obsessed with such as The Sims, or a subscription to Netflix or Hulu.

Well, I’m off to go deal with the local utility company, and go to the doctor’s in an hour or so. What are some of your winter essentials?

  1. Snow doesn’t bother me, as shoveling snow is a great workout.
  2. My absolute favorite winter coat ever was a pea coat from AE.

38th Birthday Wishlist

Considering the fact that I’m bored out of my mind, and that my 38th birthday is in less than 26 days, I’ve decided to do a birthday wishlist of various things that I’d love to receive for various reasons. The items are an assortment of fashion, beauty, home decor…basically anything that came to mind while I was writing this post.

[Edit:] Forgive me if this post looks weird, I’m trying out that new Gutenberg editor that WordPress is switching over to, even though I’ve no idea why.

The Wishlist

  1. Lilac Stripe Asymmetric Wrap Shift Dress – This beautiful dress features a simple pattern of stripes, one of my favorite colors, and the best thing? It’s under $40.
  2. Navy Lace Wide Leg Jumpsuit – Another one of my favorite colors, this one in a shade that would be evident to some of my former high school classmates…both my prom dresses from Junior year and Senior years were navy. I tend to view it as my more formal, funeral color so to speak…this is mainly because I don’t care for how I look in black.
  3. Louisella Nude Lace Up Wedges – Nude wedges are the perfect addition to any outfit, and the fact that these have silver accents makes them even more perfect.
  4. Ikea HEMNES 8-drawer dresser in White – What can I say? I have been only slightly obsessed with two pieces of furniture since forever, one is the West Elm Parsons Desk – which I’m getting a dupe of, thanks to this website and my Uncle. The other is this dresser. I think that my obsession with this dresser is the fact that it appeals to the side of me that is super-organized and hates messes…I can see in my head what goes in each drawer, but I’m not going to bore y’all with this.
  5. Ikea FRIHETEN Sleeper Sectional with Storage in Skiftebo Dark Gray – The choice of this is purely a logical one, in that I am going to be transferred to a smaller apartment, either a 2-bedroom or a 1-bedroom. If I get transferred to a 2-bedroom, I could use the extra bedroom for guests…but then it would never get used as I never have company, much less those who would stay overnight. This sleeper sectional is the perfect compromise; by allowing me to be ready for guests while still not having a room that is unusable. I know someone is going to comment just use the extra room as an office/guest room. However, I have a tendency to do my best work at 2-4 in the morning and having my desktop in the same room as a guest wouldn’t make me a very good host.
  6. Urban Outfitters Franklin Desk Riser in Large – If you know anything about the desk that I mentioned in #4, then you’ll know desktop space is at a premium…this is especially true if I don’t get a computer similar to the one in #7. This will allow me to put my monitor up higher, and to store my keyboard, hopefully, wireless beneath it.
  7. Refurbished Grade A 20″ iMac – Okay, I know this takes you to Walmart and that it is refurbished. But it’s an iMac(!) and y’all have no idea how long I’ve wanted an Apple computer, probably since Elle Woods got hers in Legally Blonde. 
  8. Urban Outfitters Mini USB Moon Himalayan Salt Lamp in Peach– Himalayan salt is said to help eliminate allergens, smoke, dander, pollen, and other pollutants by releasing ions. Plus, the moon and images of it have always been relaxing for me- so I figure this is a two-for-one. I’ll be relaxed, and able to breathe easier…at least in whatever room that this is plugged-in.
  9. Urban Outfitters Compact Air Fryer in Turquoise – Honestly, I don’t know what I like more about this…the fact that it is compact, the fact that it comes in such a cute color, or the fact that I could solve my fried food cravings without the use of oils. Of course, this is only if I somehow receive this cute little gadget.
  10. Urban Outfitters 3×5 Lawrence Printed Rug in Sky – The odds are good that I’m going to want to pick up some colors and carry them throughout my somewhat, or rather potentially, small apartment. I’m thinking that shades of blue, seeing as they are often associated with depth and stability. It also symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, and trust. The color blue is considered beneficial to the mind and body, as well as slowing human metabolism and producing a calming effect. This is the reason I believe it would be the perfect color to take throughout my future apartment.
  11. Urban Outfitters Mini Rice Cooker in White – Being able to cook exactly the amount of rice or whatever that I need is my idea of heaven. Because, quite frankly, I cannot stand leftovers – so if I have any, it usually goes to my dog, Colby.
  12. Rifle Paper Co. In Bloom Book Collection Set – As an avid reader, I dream of having bookshelves filled with pretty, hardcover books. These would be the perfect start, as well as adding a pop of color to the living area of my apartment. They’d also look really cute with the copy of Grimm’s Complete Fairytales that I’ve owned forever.
  13. Urban Outfitters Stella Expandable Dining Table in White – This table will go with my Parsons Desk and the Hemnes Dresser, which will provide unity and balance to my future apartment. The fact that it is expandable is an added bonus, as it means I can serve just two or a whole group by using it as more of a serving station.
  14. Dormify White Eyelash Stripe Duvet Cover and Sham Set in Full/Queen – A white duvet cover and shams will allow me to use whatever sheet set, throw, decorative pillows, etc. that I decide to use at any given moment even if I choose to decorate my room for every major holiday. It also provides a nice contrast with my headboard, mentioned in #19, and goes with the Hemnes dresser and Parsons desk mentioned in #4. Plus, it’s also another one of those things I’ve been wanting to get for the longest time.
  15. Dormify Ugh Script Pillow – One of my favorite movies of all time would have to be Clueless, and my favorite line from that movie is “Ugh, as if!” So naturally, I’d love to have this quote somewhere in my apartment…along with a few others, but that is for another post, perhaps. 
  16. Dormify Take More Naps Pillow – Okay, confession time: this would probably be on my bed with the Clueless pillow being on the sectional/couch mentioned in #5. Naps are my salvation – the way that I get through a good 99% of my days. Because let’s face it, in my never-ending battle with insomnia, it is kicking my ass…in fact, I’ve currently been up for a good 19 hours, 28 minutes and counting. The sad part is that I’m not even the least bit tired and I’ve got so much to get done today.
  17. Dormify But First Coffee Wooden Sign – I must admit, that I’m going to figure out some way to set myself up a coffee bar. It’s probably not going to be a big area, but it’ll be an essential part of my day.
  18. Dormify Grey and White Brick Removable Wallpaper – Living in an apartment means that you can’t do certain things, such as smoke in your apartment (not that I smoke period) or paint your walls. I don’t mind certain things – but the idea of having to stare at blank, ecru walls for hours because let’s face it, I’m more of an introvert than extrovert is quite frankly, excruciating. I figure that removable wallpaper is my best option, seeing as it’s recommended for college dorm rooms. The only flaw with my plan is that I have to figure out the math to know how many I need to get. ?
  19. Target Viviana Modern And Contemporary Faux Leather Upholstered Button-Tufted Full Headboard in Black – As mentioned previously in #14, I adore contrast, and the biggest contrast is between black and white. It is also the two colors that make other colors stand out the most…ugh! ☹️ 

What am I even saying? I am heading to bed, I’ve been up since two in the afternoon yesterday and my brain is seriously beginning to shut down. But as a reminder, I honestly don’t expect anyone to get me anything on this list. It’s just for my own personal use, and I thought that some of you might enjoy reading it. Good night! ?

Late Night Thoughts #001

Late Night Thoughts #001

I am currently in the process of cleaning my room so that I can find a notebook/paper on which I wrote down all of the domains that I had ever owned so that I can go check them on the Wayback Machine. I am hoping that I possibly put some of my poems, and other writings on a few of the sites, which will make it so much easier to complete a few pages on here. Otherwise, I’ll probably get depressed and unmotivated…and never finish this website. To be honest, this would be par for the course…it seems that I am very good at starting projects (see the fact that I have five or six books that are still WIPs or the fact that my foray into knitting was a complete disaster) and not finishing them. My dream career would be something where I come up with ideas, and then a team works to bring them to life. Basically, I want to sit in a room with a whiteboard and scribble ideas on it while drinking copious amounts of coffee and listening to music. The major flaw with this dream is that I am pretty sure one has to have some sort of experience to get a job like this, and that I have no idea what this would even be called. There is also the slight problem that this type of job is probably only available in certain states, ie. California and there is not any possible way that I can afford to move to California. I can barely afford to live where I’m currently at…and it’s generally under $200 a month if I am lucky.

Before you comment and tell me to get a job, I have applications in everywhere within walking distance from me and no one has called me in for an interview. Then there are the jobs that I know I would be perfect for, but those are the ones I hear about after the fact…for example, the library in my hometown recently hired two library assistants. The head librarian even admitted I would’ve been perfect for the position…however, I’m the type of person that people think about last, if at all. I have a tendency to blend into the woodwork, so to speak. This would be great if I wanted to say work for the CIA or some other covert agency, and if I actually had a degree in something they’d hire for…in all seriousness, I’m currently feeling anxious, depressed, and more than a bit annoyed…and just slightly amused.

Anxious stems from the fact that I am fast approaching the 2-month anniversary of my Mom’s death and I feel as if there is something fundamentally wrong with me in more ways than one. First is the fact that I seem to be unable to complete any project…unless I have a very strict deadline. In school, I was the student that wrote all of their essays the night before, and still received a good grade. Sometimes I’d be in the computer lab, printing them out, five minutes before they were due. Oddly, I never received a tardy – mainly because all of my teachers, I had either had them previously 1 or they had learned of my quirks from other teachers. Then we have the fact that my grieving process comes and goes…sometimes I cannot stand the fact that my Mom is no longer alive and that I can no longer talk to her about basically everything, and then there are times that life doesn’t feel very different. It’s not like the last few weeks, she was seriously in the mood to listen to me complain about my inability to write a blog post or the fact that my hair was frizzing up, or that none of my clothes fit properly. The truth of the matter is that my clothes not fitting properly, or my hair being frizzy, are not truly important if you truly think about it. I’m sure that you noticed I didn’t say anything about my inability to write a blog post…and this is because my Mom was fully supportive of my desire to be a writer. She’s the one who every year when notebooks would go on sale, would purchase me a dozen or so, or when I saw a new journal buy it for me, despite knowing that I’d write in maybe a half-dozen times then either lose interest in journaling or lose the journal completely. She’s also the one who bought me my very first domain – because I told her it would allow me to keep all of my writings in one location, thus making my room a lot cleaner. Haha, that worked really well…especially considering the fact that I still have papers all over the place of story ideas, started stories, incomplete poems, even blog post ideas.

Depressed comes from the fact that I am going to be 38 years old in a little less than 67 days, and I am single, unemployed, and haven’t accomplished anything. I cannot say that I’ve made a difference in anyone’s life, or that I’ve made an impact on the world around me…heck, I can’t even say that if I were to disappear that someone would immediately notice. My neighbor would probably notice first…mainly because unless my dog Colby was with me, he’d be howling and whining…he has serious separation anxiety. Plus, there is the fact that he’d get hungry or the fact that I go and check on them at least once a day unless I am seriously sick, meaning that I don’t have the energy to go farther than the bathroom which is diagonal across from my bedroom. They would probably be the first to realize that I am missing…my Uncle would be next. He generally calls me every other day to check on me, to see if I need anything…to go to the store, etc. In all honesty, this is making the depressed side of me worse…so let’s move on to what’s annoying and what’s amusing me. Both will be relatively short paragraphs, which is good as this is getting a bit longer than I had planned when I started writing it.

The annoyance mainly comes from the fact that I know I wrote down my old websites, domains and the fact that I cannot find it…I just don’t know what I did with it. Then the amusement comes from the fact that my thumbs are currently green – this is due to the food coloring from the ice cream cake I was eating earlier, and that I’m finishing off as soon as I get this posted…while I finish season five of OITNB.

Well, I’m off to eat ice cream and binge Netflix…because it’s a twenty after four in the morning and I’m not even the slightest bit tired. I also need to stay up as long as possible, so I can go to sleep at a decent time tonight. I hope that you’re having a better night than I am and that you’re getting more sleep than I will. Have a wonderful day!

  1. One teacher I had in 5th or 6th grade, then twice in High School…She was also our class sponsor.
Life Update: Mid-July 2018

Life Update: Mid-July 2018

Would you believe that I’ve tried to write get this post written for over a month? I normally don’t have this much trouble writing a post, but the main point of this one is something that I’m going to be dealing with for the rest of my life. I know that my cousin Angela is still dealing with some of the same things, even after all these years. I must admit that a part of me is glad that I know and am related to someone who understands and knows what I am going through, but then there the part of me that wants to scream at God or whomever you happen to believe in for making us, for making anyone go through all of this. :( I also don’t know if it’s something that I’ll ever be able to think about without feeling the need to curl up in bed and cry. I suppose that I should stop avoiding the first, and main point of this particular life update and just tell all y’all my news that is making me so woebegone. My best friend, the person I shared everything with…my hopes, dreams, and everything under the sun and moon, and who I was lucky enough to call Mom died on June 12th.

I am still adjusting to her no longer being in my day-to-day life while trying to figure out what I going to doing with that same life. The last half of my life was devoted to making sure that my Mom and two younger brothers had a place to live, and then when my brothers cut off all contact with my Mom making sure she took care of herself despite having uncontrolled diabetes and suffering from depression. This meant that I made a few sacrifices from dropping out of college – not a real big deal since I couldn’t decide on a major to not having much of a social life. This one is beginning to have more of an impact…I am beginning to realize that, beyond my friends online whom I absolutely adore, most of the people I speak with are people who knew and were friends with Mom. Some will argue and say that they’re also my friend…but not a single one knows a thing about me. I will admit that this is partly my fault as I am a very private person, despite having this blog. However, I am reasonably certain that no one from my hometown has ever visited this website or any other that I have owned…not to mention, any place where I might have written blog posts.1 To put it simply, I am barely a blip on the radar…completely insignificant to most of the people in the world.

Sometimes this fact makes me happy, because if no one notices you then you don’t have to worry about disappointing anyone but yourself. However, I also realize that I don’t want to be a disappointment to myself or my inner child. I believe that is the biggest thing I need to work on now…figuring out how to make my inner child proud of who I am becoming. Because I have realized that my Mom would want me to be happy, to pursue my childhood dreams. I just need to rediscover them…but how?

Since I already told all y’all the main point…the rest is just details. I am in the process of trying to find a job, which is somewhat harder than it may seem as I have no experience and as I mentioned earlier I did drop out of college. I do have my certificate to be a teacher’s aide – which comes with its own set of problems. The first being that I don’t have my Driver’s license or a vehicle – as I sold my Mom’s car to help with paying bills. There is also the fact that most school districts in which I could work have already done the hiring for the upcoming school year. The next legal option, for someone with no experience, would be to work in the food service industry or fast food such as McDonald’s. The main problem with this is that the smell of oil heating up makes me sick. The only reason I am able to eat at such places is that I’m not in the restaurant any longer than I have to be. Luckily, I might have some good news on this by the next update – which will hopefully be posted before I turn 38 on October 4th.

The next issue is the fact that I need to move out of where I currently live…for my own mental and emotional health. However, I am unable to do this until I am able to pay a back electric bill from 2008. My landlord won’t even begin to process a transfer until it’s taken care of – I now have $100 of what I need, and none of the places that help with such things can help me right now. November seems to be the magical month to get help. I’d have $200 – but State Farm refused to issue a refund check in just my name since my name wasn’t on Mom’s car insurance. Now, answer me this…Why would I be on her car insurance if I don’t have a Driver’s license and therefore, I can’t legally drive? It is more than a bit annoying as I would’ve really used that extra money.

So, I think that I have covered everything that has gone on in my life beyond the fact that I have lost eight or so pounds and the fact that I have an appointment with a psychiatrist the beginning of August. I am a bit apprehensive about the appointment and hoping that I can lose a bit more weight before my birthday.

For the next post, I was debating between doing either a wish list post, an unsent letter, or a late night thoughts AKA what is keeping me awake at night. I am going to admit that a large part of me wants to do a relatively quick, easy post…which means it will most definitely be a wish list as the other two need a bit more reflection and preparation. Neither of which I am seriously in the mood to do – seeing as I’m still dealing with the main point of this post, and naturally my sleep schedule is messed up, which is par for the course. Anyhow, I hope that all y’all are having a wonderful weekend and please remember to tell your loved ones that you both love them and appreciate everything that they do for you, or will ever do.

  1. I don’t count MySpace as that was a momentary aberration…both being on there and the relationship.
An Update of Sorts

An Update of Sorts

To blog or not to blog, that’s the question…you can probably tell what the answer has been lately, due to the lack of updates lately. I have not been in much of the mood for much of anything or anyone for that matter. All I have really been doing is watching Let’s Play The Sims 4Vixella’s Not So Berry or Vixella’s Rags to Riches, being sick, and trying to get a hold of various people to go and view cheap houses, this being defined as under 15K, in my hometown. If I were, to be honest, I don’t even know why I am posting an update as no one actually visits my blog and reads my posts. I honestly cannot be bothered to spend the majority of my time on social media basically begging complete strangers to read my posts, when the majority almost all of the time they only make sense to me.

Nevertheless, I have posted an update – it wasn’t much of one, but that’s mainly because I have the most boring life in the history of ever. I suppose I could write about my various projects such as the fact that I’m looking into buying a fixer-upper because I’m literally insane, the fact that I am desperately needing a vacation, the fact that I am completely stalled on almost all of my writing projects because I need someone to provide both constructive criticism and to tell me to go write – however, this may be a completely moot point with the fact that the fingers on my right hand (my dominant hand) have been going numb. But, honestly, none of this is important – I mean, it’s not like I’ve actually expected to either make a difference in the world or to actually be remembered by anyone.

A part of me knows what you’re thinking – what person doesn’t want to either make a difference or leave some sort of lasting legacy? I’m not saying that I have no desire to do exactly those things, I’m saying that if it comes to pass that I don’t manage to do either one then I’m coming to accept that fact. I also accept the fact that despite being nominated for “Most Unforgettable” my Senior Year of high school – not a single one of my former classmates have remembered me or even given me a passing thought throughout the almost twenty years since we’ve graduated. In fact, I haven’t even seen my Senior yearbook nor do I have fond memories of taking the picture for the above superlative. We took it in the boiler room of the high school, and I distinctly remember being equally uncomfortable and angry. I was uncomfortable because my Mom was so excited about my being chosen for one of these, that I got a new outfit to wear for the picture and I took my time getting ready that morning – which turned out to be all for nothing since the picture was basically taken at the end of the day and in the boiler room. :huh: This also explains my anger over the whole thing – because it was at that point that my being chosen for this was nothing but another opportunity for my classmates to inadvertently bully me and to make me feel self-conscious.

Because of certain events that happened while I was in school, I’ve decided that if I do someday have children I am either going to homeschool them so that they don’t go through what I went through on a daily basis. To clear things up, I wasn’t bullied outright – I was more of a nonentity, someone who wasn’t even a blip on the radar. (Comment below with Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis. If you know what movie this refers to, or if you’ve seen it.) Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that I would’ve rather been outright bullied, but we got to take into consideration what it means to have been constantly ignored, passed over, etc. by one’s peers does for one’s self-esteem. It makes you feel as if your wants, your needs, your thoughts and opinions on anything doesn’t matter and that you are left with a complete feeling of loneliness. For example, the majority of the people that I went to school with that I am currently “friends” with on Facebook could not tell you of a single memory from school that involved me, and if asked, they would probably admit that they only added me because in my profile I put down that I attended High School name. I have also never attended a wedding, or even been a bridesmaid – most young women have at least attended one or two by this point. *shrugs* Am I bitter? Only slightly – because I feel as if I am missing out on something that is considered to be a right of passage, blah blah.

Anyhow, enough of being reflective, I honestly don’t even know how we got on this topic – but I’ll try to get another post up in a day or two. It depends on how I feel and how long it actually takes me to write a draft.

Colby’s New Collar

Colby’s New Collar

Let’s discuss the collar that my dog Colby is wearing in the above picture, despite the fact that it is not visible in the above picture as I did not feel like giving him a haircut or a bath, and I’d like to ask that you please ignore the fact that I need to sweep the floor. I’ve not really been in the mood to do much of anything – more about this in the next post. However, I received his collar for free in exchange for a post here on the blog and some pictures on social media. I did not receive any monetary compensation; all thoughts and opinions are my own, and what I feel Colby is thinking about the collar – because Colby cannot talk, otherwise, I’d be a millionaire. But before we get into the details, first a picture of the collar itself.

Do you know how to take pictures of a dog, who doesn’t want to pose, especially when you need a picture of something he is wearing? You bribe him with a dog biscuit…or a half-dozen dog biscuits. #sorrynotsorry

  • Is the collar well-made? As far as I can tell, it is very well-made. It has no loose threads, none sticking out, etc. The collar has some stretch but goes back to original shape and size.
  • Does it have vibrant colors? As of right now, I’d say yet – however, Colby hasn’t wore it in the rain or anything else, and it is still relatively new. I’ll consider posting an update in a month or so to let you know how the color fades.1
  • Is the collar comfortable? Short of me putting the collar on, I honestly could not tell you. Colby will wear any collar that we put on him, as he knows he is supposed to have one on. He doesn’t even like to have it taking off for his baths or haircuts, so what does that tell you? However, the collar is reminiscent, at least to me, of the collars that you would purchase for a kitten albeit wider and sturdier. Therefore, I feel that it would be a very comfortable collar.

Final Thoughts: If I were to get another puppy, especially if it were a larger dog, I’d definitely consider getting a collar from this company again. The collars come in a variety of sizes and collars, as you can see on their website here.

  1. But this probably will not happen as I’m currently irritated with this whole business.
Flashbulb Memories

Flashbulb Memories

I hate to admit this, but this will probably be another semi-short post. It seems that lately I cannot sit down and write anything longer than say 1500 words per day – which means that I usually have to make a choice between writing a blog post or working on one of my various writing projects. However, lately, both have been falling by the wayside due to the fact that I have been dealing with both being ill and having at least one panic attack a day. I know that once the weather settles down – stops going from one extreme to another that my health will improve, and I wish I could narrow down the cause of my panic attacks but I’m pretty sure that they’re due to stress, which means unless I figure out a way to go on a semi-permanent vacation to a deserted island – I’m basically screwed. Oo

Anyhow, I don’t even recall why I decided to write this post – it’s been in the notepad of my phone since October 8, 2017 – but I figured it was in there for a reason. I also figured that I hadn’t deleted it for another reason…but that’s honestly not important.

There are certain events that make such a profound effect on not only the world around them but on society as a whole…these are referred to as flashbulb events. Why are they called this, and how did they get this name? For that matter, how many of these events have occurred in my lifetime and do I remember any of them? In this post, I’m going to attempt to answer these questions – and perhaps take a walk down memory lane. I will add that during this process – some images may be upsetting as you will soon learn the reasons that these are commonly referred to as flashbulb memories – thus the post title.

First of all is that they are called flashbulb memories because they are the flash of a moment of time, usually one when strong emotions take over. The name is inspired by the flashbulb camera (not pictured above), that used a flash of light to assist in capturing a moment of time in image form. Flashbulb memories operate in a similar fashion – the moments that cause them are brighter than everything else that may be currently happening. This basically means they take precedence in everyday life – they are constantly on the news, memorials are held, etc. Now how many of these moments have happened since my birth in October 1980?

The problem is that there are many more moments that aren’t listed here – various school shootings, assassinations of various people, etc. I decided to choose these moments because most, if not all, people have heard of these events. If not, well, I provided links to the articles about them on Wikipedia – so go ahead click to the articles to read more about each event.

The next question is how much do I remember about these events and why. I’ve told you ever since I first started blogging semi-seriously back in 2000 that I was going to do my best to be completely honest. Therefore I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say that not a single one of these events has made a significant memory in my life. By this I mean that for one or two I can vaguely remember how I heard the news, for some I wasn’t directly affected or I don’t know someone who was affected – not counting online friends in this equation, or I wasn’t old enough to realize what was happening.

Does any of this diminish the significance of these events? Not at all, it simply means that the closer you are to a historical event the more likely you are to have a vivid memory of it. This is why we have memorials and monuments to certain events, people, and things to partially help those of us not directly affected and to leave a lasting memory for those who come after.

Remembering helps us to grow as a society, and this growth allows us to both accept the event as it happened and develop the wisdom to hopefully improve upon ourselves. There are certain exceptions for every rule, mainly the difference between how the United States and Australia dealt with having a shooting. But this is honestly a post for another day.

What are some of the moments that have stuck in your mind? Briefly tell me about them in the comments below!

Spring 2018 Wishlist

Spring 2018 Wishlist

For those of you who’ve not yet realized this, but I have a tendency to write wishlists when I’ve either not in the mood to write an actual post, not posted in some time, or not ready to post about whatever I am thinking about. This morning, I find that all three of the above are true and that I desperately need something to keep me from sucking on my right thumb as I’ve somehow managed to bite it down much farther than I normally do. It probably also doesn’t help that I have been consuming Halos Mandarins at the rate of 3 per day…it’s just that they are so delicious and easy to peel, plus they help solve my sweet tooth – those and chocolate chip/s’mores granola bars. However, this post isn’t about the fact that I currently have cramps like crazy and want to eat all of the food in the house – or the fact that I am still drinking vanilla coffee because I accidentally bought it when I got myself coffee two months ago. It’s also not technically about the fact that I’m going to look at a possible house for us to move into Thursday evening…and thus, increase my stress levels going into summer. It’s also not about the fact that I am going to be dying my hair platinum blonde, and no before you ask – I am not going to start wearing red lipstick a la Marilyn Monroe.

So, you are probably wondering…what exactly will you find in this particular wishlist post? Well, let’s see – the big event that I am seriously interested in attending would have to be CMA Music Festival which is being held in June. However, before that, we have the City of Hope Charity Softball Game, which I am also hoping to attend. I am also hoping that my Uncle hears about if he passed his class and that I am able to get a car soon – as well as finally get my driver’s license. But before all of this can happen, I have a blog post to write…or maybe a couple to write. So, without further explanation, here are the things I am wishing for this Spring! I would like to add that the items are in no particular order and that while I would love to receive any, if not all of them, I just enjoy writing these posts.

  1. Premium Diamond Seat Cover with Crystals in Black – Two will be needed, and yes the color is correct, despite the fact that it will burn my poor bum in the summer…however, it will go with any color car that I happen to get. My local Walmart also has sequin car seat covers, which I adore – but with my fine hair, I’d be in pain every single time that I moved my head. :(
  2. Women’s Show Me Your Mumu Willa Maxi Dress in Everlasting Rose – This is quite a different style dress from what I normally wear, as I normally tend to stick to A-line dresses or sheath dresses. I am also not 100% positive on how well it will go with my hair once it’s done – as most people I know who go platinum tend to wear more black. o.O However, I’m not a big fan of the color…so it’s not something I’ll be doing.
  3. Women’s Parade Wedge Sandal in Taupe, 8.5 – I am seriously hoping that these wedges will look good with the dress above, as that is what I had in mind while I was searching for a pair of shoes. However, I suppose if they don’t – I can always wear them with other things since taupe is a neutral color.
  4. F21 Smocked Cutout Romper in Black – It’s said that every woman needs a LBD so I am going to presume that the same applies to other clothes as well. I like this one because the smocking adds a bit of innocence and whimsy…plus it disguises so much.

I apologize for this post being so short, compared to usual – however, I currently have both cramps and a migraine. It’s not helping any that I had to complete some repairs on our portable washer (similar one). I will try to get another post up in the next couple of days…probably Sunday if everything goes according to plan, meaning that I actually sit down and write one :huh: However, right now, I have to start another load of laundry and work on closing some of the 40+ tabs that I have open. Have a wonderful day!