To blog or not to blog, that’s the question…you can probably tell what the answer has been lately, due to the lack of updates lately. I have not been in much of the mood for much of anything or anyone for that matter. All I have really been doing is watching Let’s Play The Sims 4 – Vixella’s Not So Berry or Vixella’s Rags to Riches, being sick, and trying to get a hold of various people to go and view cheap houses, this being defined as under 15K, in my hometown. If I were, to be honest, I don’t even know why I am posting an update as no one actually visits my blog and reads my posts. I honestly cannot be bothered to spend the majority of my time on social media basically begging complete strangers to read my posts, when
the majority almost all of the time they only make sense to me.
Nevertheless, I have posted an update – it wasn’t much of one, but that’s mainly because I have the most boring life in the history of ever. I suppose I could write about my various projects such as the fact that I’m looking into buying a fixer-upper because I’m literally insane, the fact that I am desperately needing a vacation, the fact that I am completely stalled on almost all of my writing projects because I need someone to provide both constructive criticism and to tell me to go write – however, this may be a completely moot point with the fact that the fingers on my right hand (my dominant hand) have been going numb. But, honestly, none of this is important – I mean, it’s not like I’ve actually expected to either make a difference in the world or to actually be remembered by anyone.
A part of me knows what you’re thinking – what person doesn’t want to either make a difference or leave some sort of lasting legacy? I’m not saying that I have no desire to do exactly those things, I’m saying that if it comes to pass that I don’t manage to do either one then I’m coming to accept that fact. I also accept the fact that despite being nominated for “Most Unforgettable” my Senior Year of high school – not a single one of my former classmates have remembered me or even given me a passing thought throughout the almost twenty years since we’ve graduated. In fact, I haven’t even seen my Senior yearbook nor do I have fond memories of taking the picture for the above superlative. We took it in the boiler room of the high school, and I distinctly remember being equally uncomfortable and angry. I was uncomfortable because my Mom was so excited about my being chosen for one of these, that I got a new outfit to wear for the picture and I took my time getting ready that morning – which turned out to be all for nothing since the picture was basically taken at the end of the day and in the boiler room. This also explains my anger over the whole thing – because it was at that point that my being chosen for this was nothing but another opportunity for my classmates to inadvertently bully me and to make me feel self-conscious.
Because of certain events that happened while I was in school, I’ve decided that if I do someday have children I am either going to homeschool them so that they don’t go through what I went through on a daily basis. To clear things up, I wasn’t bullied outright – I was more of a nonentity, someone who wasn’t even a blip on the radar. (Comment below with Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis. If you know what movie this refers to, or if you’ve seen it.) Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that I would’ve rather been outright bullied, but we got to take into consideration what it means to have been constantly ignored, passed over, etc. by one’s peers does for one’s self-esteem. It makes you feel as if your wants, your needs, your thoughts and opinions on anything doesn’t matter and that you are left with a complete feeling of loneliness. For example, the majority of the people that I went to school with that I am currently “friends” with on Facebook could not tell you of a single memory from school that involved me, and if asked, they would probably admit that they only added me because in my profile I put down that I attended High School name. I have also never attended a wedding, or even been a bridesmaid – most young women have at least attended one or two by this point. *shrugs* Am I bitter? Only slightly – because I feel as if I am missing out on something that is considered to be a right of passage, blah blah.
Anyhow, enough of being reflective, I honestly don’t even know how we got on this topic – but I’ll try to get another post up in a day or two. It depends on how I feel and how long it actually takes me to write a draft.