Browsing Category: 2018

An Update of Sorts

To blog or not to blog, that’s the question…you can probably tell what the answer has been lately, due to the lack of updates lately. I have not been in much of the mood for much of anything or anyone for that matter. All I have really been doing is watching Let’s Play The Sims 4Vixella’s Not So Berry or Vixella’s Rags to Riches, being sick, and trying to get a hold of various people to go and view cheap houses, this being defined as under 15K, in my hometown. If I were, to be honest, I don’t even know why I am posting an update as no one actually visits my blog and reads my posts. I honestly cannot be bothered to spend the majority of my time on social media basically begging complete strangers to read my posts, when the majority almost all of the time they only make sense to me.

Nevertheless, I have posted an update – it wasn’t much of one, but that’s mainly because I have the most boring life in the history of ever. I suppose I could write about my various projects such as the fact that I’m looking into buying a fixer-upper because I’m literally insane, the fact that I am desperately needing a vacation, the fact that I am completely stalled on almost all of my writing projects because I need someone to provide both constructive criticism and to tell me to go write – however, this may be a completely moot point with the fact that the fingers on my right hand (my dominant hand) have been going numb. But, honestly, none of this is important – I mean, it’s not like I’ve actually expected to either make a difference in the world or to actually be remembered by anyone.

A part of me knows what you’re thinking – what person doesn’t want to either make a difference or leave some sort of lasting legacy? I’m not saying that I have no desire to do exactly those things, I’m saying that if it comes to pass that I don’t manage to do either one then I’m coming to accept that fact. I also accept the fact that despite being nominated for “Most Unforgettable” my Senior Year of high school – not a single one of my former classmates have remembered me or even given me a passing thought throughout the almost twenty years since we’ve graduated. In fact, I haven’t even seen my Senior yearbook nor do I have fond memories of taking the picture for the above superlative. We took it in the boiler room of the high school, and I distinctly remember being equally uncomfortable and angry. I was uncomfortable because my Mom was so excited about my being chosen for one of these, that I got a new outfit to wear for the picture and I took my time getting ready that morning – which turned out to be all for nothing since the picture was basically taken at the end of the day and in the boiler room. :huh: This also explains my anger over the whole thing – because it was at that point that my being chosen for this was nothing but another opportunity for my classmates to inadvertently bully me and to make me feel self-conscious.

Because of certain events that happened while I was in school, I’ve decided that if I do someday have children I am either going to homeschool them so that they don’t go through what I went through on a daily basis. To clear things up, I wasn’t bullied outright – I was more of a nonentity, someone who wasn’t even a blip on the radar. (Comment below with Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis. If you know what movie this refers to, or if you’ve seen it.) Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that I would’ve rather been outright bullied, but we got to take into consideration what it means to have been constantly ignored, passed over, etc. by one’s peers does for one’s self-esteem. It makes you feel as if your wants, your needs, your thoughts and opinions on anything doesn’t matter and that you are left with a complete feeling of loneliness. For example, the majority of the people that I went to school with that I am currently “friends” with on Facebook could not tell you of a single memory from school that involved me, and if asked, they would probably admit that they only added me because in my profile I put down that I attended High School name. I have also never attended a wedding, or even been a bridesmaid – most young women have at least attended one or two by this point. *shrugs* Am I bitter? Only slightly – because I feel as if I am missing out on something that is considered to be a right of passage, blah blah.

Anyhow, enough of being reflective, I honestly don’t even know how we got on this topic – but I’ll try to get another post up in a day or two. It depends on how I feel and how long it actually takes me to write a draft.

Flashbulb Memories

I hate to admit this, but this will probably be another semi-short post. It seems that lately I cannot sit down and write anything longer than say 1500 words per day – which means that I usually have to make a choice between writing a blog post or working on one of my various writing projects. However, lately, both have been falling by the wayside due to the fact that I have been dealing with both being ill and having at least one panic attack a day. I know that once the weather settles down – stops going from one extreme to another that my health will improve, and I wish I could narrow down the cause of my panic attacks but I’m pretty sure that they’re due to stress, which means unless I figure out a way to go on a semi-permanent vacation to a deserted island – I’m basically screwed. Oo

Anyhow, I don’t even recall why I decided to write this post – it’s been in the notepad of my phone since October 8, 2017 – but I figured it was in there for a reason. I also figured that I hadn’t deleted it for another reason…but that’s honestly not important.

There are certain events that make such a profound effect on not only the world around them but on society as a whole…these are referred to as flashbulb events. Why are they called this, and how did they get this name? For that matter, how many of these events have occurred in my lifetime and do I remember any of them? In this post, I’m going to attempt to answer these questions – and perhaps take a walk down memory lane. I will add that during this process – some images may be upsetting as you will soon learn the reasons that these are commonly referred to as flashbulb memories – thus the post title.

First of all is that they are called flashbulb memories because they are the flash of a moment of time, usually one when strong emotions take over. The name is inspired by the flashbulb camera (not pictured above), that used a flash of light to assist in capturing a moment of time in image form. Flashbulb memories operate in a similar fashion – the moments that cause them are brighter than everything else that may be currently happening. This basically means they take precedence in everyday life – they are constantly on the news, memorials are held, etc. Now how many of these moments have happened since my birth in October 1980?

The problem is that there are many more moments that aren’t listed here – various school shootings, assassinations of various people, etc. I decided to choose these moments because most, if not all, people have heard of these events. If not, well, I provided links to the articles about them on Wikipedia – so go ahead click to the articles to read more about each event.

The next question is how much do I remember about these events and why. I’ve told you ever since I first started blogging semi-seriously back in 2000 that I was going to do my best to be completely honest. Therefore I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say that not a single one of these events has made a significant memory in my life. By this I mean that for one or two I can vaguely remember how I heard the news, for some I wasn’t directly affected or I don’t know someone who was affected – not counting online friends in this equation, or I wasn’t old enough to realize what was happening.

Does any of this diminish the significance of these events? Not at all, it simply means that the closer you are to a historical event the more likely you are to have a vivid memory of it. This is why we have memorials and monuments to certain events, people, and things to partially help those of us not directly affected and to leave a lasting memory for those who come after.

Remembering helps us to grow as a society, and this growth allows us to both accept the event as it happened and develop the wisdom to hopefully improve upon ourselves. There are certain exceptions for every rule, mainly the difference between how the United States and Australia dealt with having a shooting. But this is honestly a post for another day.

What are some of the moments that have stuck in your mind? Briefly tell me about them in the comments below!

76 Questions, Answered

For those of you not following me on Tumblr, you wouldn’t know that I get several of my post on there from the site WeHeartIt. If you haven’t visited WHI in some time, you may not know that it has undergone some changes – you can now have a blog…and read articles. This is where I found these questions, it’s only 76 but I figure by answering them it will allow you to get to know me a bit better!

The Questions

  1. What’s your full name? My full name is Jessica Mezo, which I suppose should be pretty obvious – otherwise, why would I have this particular domain and use it for practically all of my social media accounts?
  2. Are you named after anyone? Officially, no I am not named after anyone. Unofficially, my Mom claims that I was named after a character on my now deceased Grandmother’s favorite soap, General Hospital.
  3. What does your name mean? The meaning of the name Jessica is God Beholds. The origin of the name is Hebrew, which is the culture in which the name originated, or in the case of a word, the language. It was more than likely invented by Shakespeare for the daughter of a Jewish merchant in ”The Merchant of Venice”. He probably derived it from Jescha (Yiska), the name of a minor Biblical character. Some famous Jessicas include the actress Jessica Alba, the singer Jessica Simpson, the actress Jessica Biel, the actress Jessica Lange, plus several reality stars, YouTube personalities, and so on. Variations of the spelling include Jessika, Jyssica, and Jesyka.
  4. Where are you from? I am from a small town in the southern part of Illinois, but if you would like for me to get more specific, I have ancestors from various European countries such as Hungary, Germany, Italy, Ireland, Scotland, even England. I also have a Native American ancestor.
  5. Where do you live? I currently live in the same small town mentioned in the previous question in government-housing, or a place that is both a safety-hazard and a health-risk for my diabetic mother. It’s due to the fact that our apartment has concrete floors, and being diabetic she sometimes loses feeling in her legs which causes her to be unbalanced, thus resulting in falls that cause broken bones like what happened in July 2017. As a result of these problems, I have started a GoFundMe to hopefully raise the funds to assist.
  6. Where were you born? ROTFLMAO, in the exact same town mentioned in the previous two answers…I was actually born in a house, down the road and around the corner from where I currently live. I was also the first baby delivered by the local fire department, which you’d think mean that I’d actually get a card or a birthday present from them…but nope, not a single thing.
  7. Fandoms? If by this you mean, things that I am obsessed with to the point that I know everything about it, I’d have to say, none. There are a few things that I am relatively knowledgeable about, such as the Property Brothers, The Sims franchise, WordPress, etc. However, I am neither an expert on any of them nor completely obsessed with them.
  8. At what age did you go on your first date? I have never been on what I consider to be a date. This is mainly due to the fact that I wasn’t really interested in dating in High School, and one of the few guys I was interested in dating made me angry before he asked me out. So, I may have cut off my nose to spite my face, when him to go ask out another girl. *shrugs*
  9. What is an ideal first date to you? The ideal first date to me is one where both parties involved feel comfortable, where you get to know a bit more about the other person – rather through conversation or by how they react to a situation or event. It sometimes involves delicious food – but nothing that could be potentially embarrassing to eat…so no sushi, no Italian, etc. It doesn’t involve going to the movies either – because they are such a decisive thing, one completely loves the movie, hates the movie, or worse…they don’t care about it one way or another. This means that the conversation could potentially become an argument. Then the date ends, with politeness and either a brief hug or the promise to call if one fully intends to do so.
  10. What is something you look for in a partner? The two biggest factors for me are a sense of humor and the ability to carry on a conversation. He must also love animals – cats, dogs, etc. and children. Being family-oriented is a plus, as well as respect for not only themselves but others and the world around them.
  11. What is the best compliment you ever received? Actually, this is one I have received from a couple different people. The first time was in my Advanced Biology class in High School, and we were discussing genetics. Our teacher had us study each others eyes and sketch them, my lab partner told me that I had pretty eyes. This resulted in the girl at the next table being upset because her eyes only contained shades of brown, which resulted in the incident mentioned in a previous answer. The next incident of being complimented on my eye color was when I decided to give myself a makeover during my Senior year of High School, and wanted to get contacts. My optometrist told me that I had such pretty eyes that he’d feel guilty if I got colored contacts and covered them up. In hindsight, I imagine that my health insurance wouldn’t have paid for contacts and he didn’t want to upset me. But receiving the compliment both times, brightened my day and my mood considerably.
  12. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? It honestly depends on the time of month – I usually buy Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk, Ben and Jerry’s The Tonight Dough, or Ben and Jerry’s Truffle Kerfuffle. If none of those are available, then Blue Bunny Bunny Tracks is my go-to flavor.
  13. What is your favorite type of clothing? If given the choice as to what to wear, I will wear a fitted graphic tee with a pair of distressed skinny jeans, and a pair of ballet flats. My hair would be in either a messy bun or a disheveled ponytail. Over this whole look, it depends on the season – winter calls for a navy blue pea coat, fall calls for a camel trench. Actually, my style depends on the season – summer consists of cut-off shorts, gauzy tops, and flip flops or sandals…fall consist of either the outfit previously mentioned or a button-down, sweater, and loafers. Winter is my lazy season – leggings and oversized sweaters or sweatshirts.
  14. Do you prefer kissing or cuddling? Honestly, I’m not a big fan of kissing at all…except for those sweet, quick little kisses. The idea of trading saliva with someone for a significant amount of time disgusts me, so I definitely prefer cuddling. Some people may say that it’s difficult to find a comfortable position in which to cuddle for any amount of time – but honestly, the same problem could also be applied to kissing, and more than likely you are not going to stay in the same position.
  15. What was the first concert you attended? I have yet to attend a concert – there hasn’t been anyone that I wish to go see, and I haven’t been able to afford tickets to any.
  16. What was your first job? Hm, if by this you mean the first job that allowed me to file taxes…it would have to be Administrative Assistant at the local Adult Day Care. It basically consisted of filing, photocopying, and all of those things that one does in an office environment with the lingering smell of urine, vomit, mothballs, despair, and a dash of either Old Spice or Chanel No 5.
  17. Hobbies? If by this, you mean, what do I do in my spare time? Well, I suppose that you could consider blogging one of my hobbies, as well as reading, writing in general, binging shows on Netflix – currently AHS and suggestions are definitely appreciated, and of course, sleeping and eating are always major highlights of my day. I used to be able to add playing The Sims 3 as a hobby but my game has decided to no longer work. Also, I do not recommend having eating and sleeping as two of your major hobbies unless you also have the hobby of some sort of physical activity as well. Unless, of course, you are an actual bear and must prepare for hibernation.
  18. What’s the farthest you’ve been from home? Give me a minute, let me go check Google Maps. I have been to Dallas, TX – which is 669 miles from my hometown, as well as Pine Bluff, Arkansas 389 miles away. So I’m guessing that the grand prize winner would be Dallas, TX. *biggrin*
  19. When was the first time you were on a plane? I am going to assume that the writer of these questions meant a plane going to one of the places I mentioned in the previous answer. However, in both cases, it was more of a combination car ride/bus trip. This isn’t to say that I’ve yet to go on a plane – in fact, when I was eight years old, I got to ride in an agricultural aircraft. This is basically an aircraft that has been built or converted for agricultural use – usually for the aerial application of pesticides or fertilizer1; in these roles they are commonly referred to as “crop dusters” or “top dressers”. The most common agricultural aircrafter are fixed-wing, meaning that the wings generate lift caused by the vehicle’s forward airspeed and the shape of the wings. The main reason that I know all of this is because afterwards, I spent weeks reading every single book I could find about airplanes…I was a weird kid with a short attention span.
  20. Who is your role model? Oddly, I do not have one. However, there are several people whom I admire such as Emma Watson, who is an actress who played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series and Belle in Beauty and the Beast. She is also a staunch feminist who started a group on GoodReads called Our Shared Shelf – that she started due to her working with UN Women. It allows the member of the group to discuss and read books about equality – books that are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, often thought-provoking and inspiring, and always empowering! The next person who comes to mind would be Anne Frank – if I have to explain what makes her admirable then your High School education was seriously lacking, but I will tell you that I remain astonished at the fact that despite everything she went through, she remained consistent in her belief that humankind was inherently good. The other person that comes to mind is Marie Curie, and honestly, if you are interested in the science – this woman is goals.
  21. Favorite actress/actor? I wouldn’t say that I have a particular actress/actor, per se. I do have several actresses/actors that I try to watch every single thing that they appear in/have appeared in – it doesn’t matter if it’s a TV movie, straight-to-video, or anything else. These people include Heath Ledger, Audrey Hepburn, etc. Honestly, I am more interested in older movies such as Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Gone With the Wind, Rear Window, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, etc. – if it came out prior to the 1980’s, then I absolutely adore it!
  22. Favorite fictional character? This would honestly be a tie between Hermione Granger, Belle, and Holly Golightly…each for different reasons, but mainly because they are the three that I relate to the most.
  23. Describe yourself in one word. Uhm…I have no idea. What one word would y’all use to describe me? I realize that this doesn’t answer the question – but I honestly cannot think of one word that sums up my entire personality, beyond indescribable, which is also a bit of a cop-out.
  24. What app do you use the most? Hm, well, I currently have Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter currently installed on my phone. I randomly browse Instagram, and post a photo on the odd occasion. Snapchat use has gone down since the last update, but I really didn’t use it very much to begin with – I just used it for the filters to get semi-cute selfies to use as profile pictures on others sites. :P As for Twitter, it is probably the app on my phone that I use most often beyond ColorNote. It is probably the best way to contact me – better than even e-mail.2
  25. What are some of your bad habits? Well, I am indecisive, have a tendency to be detached from people and situations, a bit superficial and vain, as well as self-indulgent. I also have an extreme tendency to procrastinate like crazy. But I’m extremely fun!
  26. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? It is definitely emotional pain – the main reason for this is that the pain can hit unexpectedly. It is the smallest things that can trigger the pain, and it can be refreshed at the most random things. For example, I had a miscarriage in the spring of 2007, and my ex-boyfriend (father of the baby) loved the band Evanescence. So now, every single time I hear any song by them but the one that affects me the most is My Immortal. Sadly, this used to be one of my favorite songs – but now I cannot hear it without crawling into bed, and crying.
  27. Do you have trust issues? Sadly, yes – this is mainly due to the ex mentioned in the last question. It turns out that while I was having the miscarriage, he was cheating on me. I guess that it’s true – every dark cloud has a silver lining. Because I cannot imagine having an almost ten-year-old and having to deal with someone who would do that to me, plus it makes me question how involved he would’ve been in our child’s life.
  28. What countries would you love to visit? All of them, but to be more specific – France, Spain, Germany, Italy, England, China, Japan, Australia, Canada, etc.
  29. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? Yes, I have – but somehow they knew and so did practically everyone that I know. It seems that I have a problem with wearing my emotions on my face – so basically if I don’t like you, you can 100% tell, same if I do like you.
  30. Hogwarts house? *runs and checks Pottermore* It turns out that I was sorted into Ravenclaw, the same house as both Luna Lovegood and Gilderoy Lockhart. Those sorted into Ravenclaw are intelligent, wise, sharp, witty, and individual – basically, we have a tendency to be a bit eccentric.
  31. How old would you be in 5 months? Hm, it will be August 22nd – which means the day after my youngest brother turns 34. However, I will still be the same age which is 37.
  32. Name 3 turn-ons. Sleep, food, and video games…oh wait, you mean things that I find attractive in another person? Haha, it honestly varies between person to person – but the major two are a sense of humor and they treat other people with respect and love.
  33. Siblings? Two younger brothers, one who is currently 35 and the other is 33.
  34. Favorite movie? Ten Things I Hate About You
  35. Is there anyone you wanna punch in the face right now? There is honestly not a single person that I want to punch in the face right now – this is mainly due to the fact that in order to do this I’d have to actually care about a person enough to expend the energy, and there are very few people that I care about that much.
  36. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Hm, it was my dog Colby. I have a tendency to go and hide when I have the urge to cry. It’s mainly due to the fact that in school, I was teased unmercilessly for being too sensitive by the other kids.
  37. What was your childhood nickname? It honestly depends on who you ask – my grandfather and mom would say that it is Mouse, while a select group of school friends would say that it was Jesmo.
  38. Do you like Chinese food? Hm, is the Pope Catholic? Sorry, yes I adore Chinese food.
  39. What makes you happy? Right now? Being left alone…this means that I can get done the things that I need to do, and I would be able to get them done without interruptions.
  40. Do you believe in soulmates? Yes, but I do not believe that you are always destined to marry your soul mate. Sometimes you give birth to them, and you are responsible for assuring that he or she has the best life possible. Or your soul mate could be your best friend – the person that you share your deepest darkest secrets, your fears, your hopes, your dreams…if you are fortunate, you are able to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them. Those of us who are unfortunate will never get to meet their soulmate for various reasons – they are significantly older or younger than you, they live on the other side of the world, etc. Therefore, I don’t believe that finding and marrying your soulmate should be a goal in life.
  41. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Well, if I’m in high school, I get mad at him for complimenting a feature that another girl has, that I am jealous of and tell him to leave me alone. Now, I’d probably ask him, what’s going on? The reason is that he is married and has at least a set of twin boys…so for him to do this, something has to be bothering him. But this is just rumor, speculation – we haven’t talked since before he got married. His then girlfriend didn’t like how close and affectionate we were with one another, and so I made the conscious decision to not be as involved in his life.
  42. How tall are you? I am 5’7½” tall – and yes, I suppose that I could round it up to 5’8” but that wouldn’t be truthful. I have promised that when writing blog posts I would be as honest as possible and if I cannot tell the truth about my height, how can I expect you to believe me when I eventually write about more serious issues?
  43. Favorite food? It honestly depends on the meal – for lunch, it’s sushi. Breakfast calls for either French toast or a vegetarian omelette. Then supper is either fish or pasta. So basically, I guess you could say that I don’t technically have a favorite food.
  44. Are you afraid of falling in love? I am not sure that the word “afraid” is the right word…I am more apprehensive about falling in love. This is despite the fact that I do it so easily, and I may be more in love with the idea of it…than actually being in love.
  45. What ethnicity do people mistake you for? Martian. None, in all honesty, I am also not mistaken for being from a different country…just a different part of my own country. It seems that my accent is a bit unusual for where I live – this is mainly due to the fact that I was in speech therapy from the time I started school at age 3 to my Junior year of High School. I spoke with a lisp, and too softly and too fast for people to understand what I was saying. My friends thought it was ridiculous as they could understand me, as could my family. One also stated that the fact that I spoke softly meant the other people needed to shut up and listen, and that I only spoke if I actually had to say something – not just to hear myself talk.
  46. What’s your hair color? Various shades of blonde with a reddish tint in certain lights.
  47. Are you allergic to anything? Yes, I’m allergic to codeine – this means that I have to check the labels of all pain medications and I cannot take certain ones such as Tylenol-3. It does make me a bit concerned for when I eventually do get pregnant, and have to give birth, as I do not want to do a natural birth unless I 100% have to, or if it will cause harm to my baby if I do not. :(
  48. Do you have any phobias? Yes, coulrophobia…which makes the fact that I am currently on season four of AHS ironic. Comment below with your favorite TV show if you know why.
  49. Chinese astrological sign? metal Monkey
  50. Can you whistle? Nope, but I can snap. My Uncle told me that in our family you can either snap or whistle, but you can’t do both. My Mom can whistle, but not snap…while he can snap but not whistle. It’s weird.
  51. What’s your favorite candle scent? Uhm, I don’t have one and I don’t understand the obsession that practically all girls have with candles.
  52. Occupations you wanted to be as a kid? The only things I remember telling people that I wanted to be were a Mommy, a lawyer, and in fifth grade, the first woman President of the United States. I went around to all my teachers, fifth and fourth grade to ask them to vote for me. They all said that they would.
  53. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, I do. I will write a post about this at a later date – so be sure to subscribe so that you don’t miss the post!
  54. Do you believe in aliens? Yes and no…I feel that our universe is so big, that not having life out there would be virtually impossible. However, the only reason that they would be called “aliens” is because they are different from humankind. Does anyone else wonder why we insist on calling things we don’t understand or that don’t look how we expect “alien”? No? Just me, well, let’s move on to the next question.
  55. What inspires you? Lately? Not much…inspiration has been kind of hard to come across lately. It’s the main reason that I’ve not been doing much writing of any kind, and there is also the fact that I somehow managed to lose all of my current WIP from my desktop. I swear that it hates me.
  56. What’s your favorite season? Autumn, duh! This isn’t because I’m an October baby either…there are so many things that make it the best season. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, plaid, picking apples, and wearing boots are just a few of the reasons that it’s the best season ever! It’s also the start of football season which means tailgating and bonfires – did someone say s’mores and chili? Sign me up!
  57. What is the last thing you watched on TV? I don’t technically watch TV – Netflix is more my speed. I need to be able to pause whatever I am watching, so that I can go do other things and come back to where I was. However, my Mom does watch TV and so when I went in to get us each a bowl of chili, I saw a bit of the movie White House Down – starring the equally delicious Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler.
  58. Secret talent? Uhm, if I told you, then it wouldn’t be a secret talent, now would it?
  59. Do you wear perfume? I have trouble finding a scent that is both affordable and that I love. For the longest time, I wore Love’s Baby Soft…but as I’ve gotten older, the baby powder scent became a bit much. I currently adore Calvin Klein Euphoria – but I don’t own any of it. :(
  60. Have you ever been in love? I am constantly in love with some person, some object, some app, some website…but if you mean, have I fallen head over heels with one particular person? If I have fallen totally, completely in love, cannot imagine my life without them…then the answer would be, no.
  61. Who would you like to see in concert? Despite the fact that I have no idea of how to answer this, I’ll just put a couple of random people – Weird Al Yankovic, Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, and anyone else really as I’ve never been to any concert at all. To be honest, I’d rather go to an awards show of some kind and see multiple acts.
  62. Tea or coffee? Both, it honestly depends on the time of day and my current mood. I usually drink a cup of Celestial Seasonings Herbal Tea in Sleepytime Vanilla, and in the morning, I must drink at least one cup of coffee. I plan on doing a Morning Routine and a Bedtime Routine post in the near future. Or would you prefer that I wait until I can film it?
  63. Black or green olives? On pizza, black olives. As a snack, green ones.
  64. Can you knit? Hm, sort of. I am way too anxious to do it correctly – I make my stitches too tight which means I can only do a single row. Therefore, I grasp the concept of knitting…but I cannot make anything at all.
  65. Are you listening to music right now? Nope – I am trying to finish this post so that I can go do dishes, and then I don’t have anything keeping me from doing my most favorite chore in the world, laundry. (Please note the sarcasm! Doing laundry where I live is a PITA as we have a portable washer that gets hooked up to the kitchen sink.)
  66. What would you name your children? Well, since the Facebook quizzes that you do, keep saying that I am either going to have either three girls and a boy, or three boys and a girl – which I prefer. I’m going to tell you three names for each gender. The boys would be named James Tennison (JT), Caulen Joseph, and Brendan James. The girls would be names Madeleine Nicole, Flannery Jayne, and Teagan Elizabeth.
  67. Well, this is the end of the questions and I hope that you enjoyed reading my answers, and that you possibly learned something new about me. If you want to do these questions, you can find the original here, so be sure to give her credit. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend, and I am off to sleep – setting the alarm so I can get dishes and laundry done today. As for the featured image, this is the view that I have had out my back door for the past couple of days – it has been gray, gloomy, and raining…an absolutely perfect start to Spring. But I guess that means the flowers will be blooming soon, I hope.

    1. This was during the summer of 1988 or 1989 – which means that the all natural craze was yet to arrive.
    2. How did I get over 100,000 emails? Can I just delete them all?!

My First Award: Liebster Award

FUCK IT! I am fucking done. I have rewrote this fucking damn post a thousand times, and tried to publish it the same amount of times. If you don’t like it, kiss my fucking ass and stay off my fucking website.

I’m so excited to announce that I have received my first award since buying my name domain 1, and while I have received it in the past, I somehow find it more exciting, more nerve-racking this time around. I was nominated by Megan, and you can read more about the Liebster Award here. I chose to use the revised rules for 2018 and the image came from searching ‘Liebster Award’ on Google Images.

What to do if Nominated for a Liebster Award

Back in 2011 when the Liebster Award first began, it was relatively simple in that all one was required to do was to acknowledge the person who nominated you for the award, and then nominate five other bloggers for the award. However, it is now seven years later and it has become a bit more involved and it will continue to evolve as blogging becomes more accessible to everyone.

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award, and you choose to accept it by writing a blog post about it, there are a few things that you must do. They are as follows:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and put a link to their blog on your blog. Tell your readers what makes this person special, and what makes you honored for receiving this award from them. This person will be grateful for the praise, and those you nominate will reciprocate – creating a circle of appreciation and respect.
  2. Display the award on your blog – either by including it in your post and/or displaying it by using a widget or gadget. The best way to do this is to right-click the image and save it to your own computer. Then you can upload it to your blog post. You can easily find an image by using Google, and searching “Liebster Award 2018.”
  3. Write a brief paragraph about what makes you passionate about blogging. Is it the fact that you have the ability to reach millions of people without leaving your home? Or perhaps the fact that you can get to know people all over the world through their blogs?
  4. Provide eleven random facts about yourself. This is, of course, optional – however, in the interest of blogging, and of getting to know your readers, it’s always helpful to share a bit of yourself and random facts are a quick, relatively painless way to allow others to learn about you.
  5. Nominate five to eleven blogs that you feel would enjoy blogging about this award. Contact them to notify them of their nomination via Twitter, or another method. You must provide them a length back to your post so that they can read about the Liebster Award, and decide for themselves if they choose to accept it.
  6. List these rules in your post. (You can copy and paste from here, provide a link back to this post, or even write them in your own words provided that you have the basics of each rule.)

While you may feel that the Liebster Award is quite similar to a chain email/letter, and it does share some similar traits in that it is passed from person to person. The main idea is to help promote one another’s blogs and to spread goodwill among bloggers. Don’t worry – if you choose to not accept the award, you won’t be cursed or anything like that.

Why I Blog

I began blogging in earnest, well not earnest as I’m not very consistent, in the spring of 2001 as a way to become better at writing and to waste time between my college classes. I was horrible at setting up my schedule, and so had blocks of time where I had absolutely nothing to do – and commuting home for an hour was pointless. I currently blog for basically the same reasons – to become a better writer which is a never-ending process and to do something during the hours when I’m not asleep.

Eleven Five Random Facts About Me and An Excuse for the Rest

  1. I learned how to read at the age of three, and my favorite books during elementary school were The Boxcar Children, a series of books originally created by Gertrude Chandler Warner. I was obsessed with them – and wanted to live in a boxcar.
  2. My favorite color has been any shade of blue for as longest as I can remember – in fact, both my Junior year Prom dress and my Senior year Prom dress were both navy blue, with somewhat different styles.
  3. I have a heart-shaped mole on my inner left knee, a scar on the ball of my left foot from stepping on a glass Coke bottle when I was three, and a scar or two near my mouth from childhood accidents…mainly playing on swivel chairs.
  4. I have recently come to the realization that over half of my childhood celebrity crushes were/are Canadian. First was Fred Savage from the TV show, The Wonder Years – it was also the point that I came across my first ever #WomanCrushWednesday in Danica McKellar. We then came across Jonathan Brandis, Devon Sawa, and a few others that I cannot think of at the current time.
  5. I am suicidal – and I have been since I was a Sophomore in high school. People ask how I have gotten over it, and in all honesty, I am always struggling to come up with reasons to not pop some pills, to not watch the blood pool on the floor as my life slowly drips away.
  6. I cannot come up with eleven total facts at the current time, and so I’ll do a post at a later date with 100 Random Facts.

Asked by Megan, Answered by Me

Do you ever worry? I think the more accurate question would be when do I not worry? I am constantly stressed over the smallest things from whether I should dye my hair to did I lock the keys in the car? Worrying might be my most practiced skill…in fact, I’m currently worrying about whether or not my Uncle got a passing score for the class he was attending to be licensed, so that I can work for him and make some money and go back to school.
What are you most grateful for? So many things are worth being grateful for – but I’m only going to list a few things. I am grateful for the roof over my head – I’ve been homeless twice before. I’m grateful that my Mom, who is my best friend, is alive and relatively healthy – she went through cervical cancer during my Sophomore year of High School and she currently has diabetes. I’m grateful for all the friends and family who have been assisting Mom and I these past couple of months.
Do you have a favorite manga/anime? Considering the fact that I’ve only read one manga, I guess you could say it’s my favorite. Now, you are probably wondering which one that is – Fruits Basket. I watched the whole series (sadly, only one season on Hulu) back in 2012. I’m interested in watching more, of course. So please leave recommendations below – similar to Fruits Basket.
How about a favorite game? I would say that I have more than one favorite game – the first game I was obsessed with would be Pac-Man. I started playing it when I was around two or three years old on one of those classic arcade systems. The next game I came obsessed over would be Sonic Spinball – a pinball video game designed by Sega featuring everyone’s favorite blue hedgehog. I so wish this game had the ability to spit out money – my life would be so much easier. It was also the cause of some problems during my early teens, thanks to a stepfather who didn’t like being beat in a game by his step-daughter. I lost interest in video games until around my second semester of college when The Sims came out, and I have been obsessed with it ever since. I’ve only played the first installment and I’m currently playing The Sims 3, and desiring The Sims 4.
Cartoon? What’s your favorite cartoon? Of all time? I honestly don’t believe that I have one…so instead I’m going to pick a year range for cartoons which is between 1984 to 1988. These are the only years that I can recall getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons, or waking up early for school to watch them.
What are you looking forward to the most right now? In all honesty, I cannot think of a single thing that I am looking forward to the most right now. I don’t have anything planned for tomorrow, or the coming week, or anything of the sort. I suppose that I could say that I am looking forward to the day that my Aunt Flo leaves from her monthly visit…but honestly, I think all women while sometimes glad for her visits, kind of are secretly looking forward to her leaving for another month.
What kind of kid were you? To be completely honest, I have no clue. I’ve been told I was a sweet kid, a pleasure to have in class. Of course, my Mom says I was a spoiled brat.
What’s the last thing you read? The last book that I read was The Woman in The Window by AJ Finn…it somewhat reminded me of the 1954 mystery thriller film directed by Alfred Hitchcock called Rear Window. However, it has its own twist ending…and if you’ve not read it, I definitely recommend it.
Is your room messy or clean? I would most definitely say messy…I have two modes, super organized and complete disarray. Sadly, my anxiety causes me to be in complete disarray the most often. I get frustrated when I cannot get things organized the way that I’d like.
If you could do one thing right now, what would it be? Right at this moment in time? I am hoping that I can finish this blog post, go to sleep, and not get up at eight o’clock in the morning like I have been for the past week. But we shall honestly see what happens…
How many pets do you have? We currently have a Cairnoodle named Colby, who’s ten-and-a-half years old. We also have an approximately three-year old leopard gecko named Picasso.

Nominating:
Not a single soul, if you want to do this post and answer my questions just be sure to let me know in some way.

Questions for the Nominated:
What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?
Do you have any recent victories that you want to share, and how were they a victory?
If this were your last day on Earth, would you be proud of what you have accomplished? If not, how would you go about changing things so that you were?
If a genie granted you three wishes right now, what would you wish for?
What is your favorite TV show, and what do you like the best about it?
What does your perfect day consist of?
What irritates you the most about the internet and blogging? What do you love the most about the internet and blogging?
Who would you love to have a conversation with, living or dead? What would you discuss, if you care to share?
Dog person or cat person? Why do you suppose that is?
Share one of your unusual talents.
What keeps you awake at night?

  1. Actually, I received it back in August 2017 and been working on this post off and on since then.

Review: The Skinny-Chick Cookbook

Edit: I was removed from this campaign before I could get it finished. However, I did enjoy eating and preparing the recipes that I mentioned, and I figured that some of you might enjoy this cookbook as well. Thus, the reason that this post is being published despite my misgivings about doing so.

It seems as if there are millions of ways to write an introduction to an actual cookbook, but I couldn’t find a way to introduce a review of a cookbook. Believe me, I looked and as a result, I’m just going to begin the review. I’m not going to worry about writing something witty to capture your attention, hopefully, that was done by the food picture even though my photography skills need work. :D There are a few things that you should look for when choosing your next cookbook: clear and easy to understand directions; color photographs of most, if not all, the recipes; and it fits your lifestyle, cooking ability, and budget. I’d love to tell you that this cookbook fits all of these requirements with no exception, however, that would be untrue and I did promise from the moment I started blogging to be as honest as possible. This doesn’t change even though I did receive this cookbook for free in exchange for a review, and I want you, my readers, to know exactly what to expect if you choose to purchase this cookbook.

First of all, is does this cookbook contain clear and easy to understand directions? It both does and doesn’t, but I will explain. All of the recipes are ten ingredients or less, which makes going grocery shopping a lot easier as one can typically remember a list of five items. It also helps that you could possibly have some of the ingredients already in your pantry, refrigerator, etc. This level of ingredients also applies to the clarity of the directions – the least number of directions, the clearer that I found the directions to be. I made both the Baked Spaghetti Squash and the Black Bean Burritos, and I found that the Baked Spaghetti Squash was easier to prepare as the directions were more clear and easy to understand. This may be due to the fact that it only contained a total of five ingredients, while the other called for twelve ingredients (breaking the ten ingredient or less rule, mentioned on the cover). I will admit that the author may consider this as following that particular rule, seeing as you’ll more than likely have a few ingredients on hand. As for the directions, they weren’t the clearest – and it requires a bit more prep than the previous recipe. For example, you have to dice both a tomato and a zucchini, make some rice, and do something with the spinach leaves – it’s not exactly specified…I’d say you could use them whole, or do as I did and shred them. I also may have forgotten to make the rice, but I do have leftovers which means I have lunch for today.

Does the cookbook contain color pictures of most, if not all, of the recipes? This is where this particular cookbook surpasses all expectation – it contains full-color pictures of every single recipe, which means that you will either be inspired to make all of the recipes or depressed when you do make one because it looks nothing like the picture. Personally, I love when cookbooks show me photographs of the completed recipes as it makes me hungrier and I think that all cookbooks should do the same, instead of every few recipes.

Finally, does this particular cookbook fit my lifestyle, cooking ability, and budget? Let’s look at each area separately…does it fit my lifestyle? My current lifestyle consists of minimal sleep, minimal time to prep meals, minimal time to do much of anything…but maximum stress. My mom is a type-2 diabetic, who is very particular about what she eats…and so having meals that both look and smell appealing is a plus. As for cooking ability, well…I’m not a big fan of cooking unless I have clear, concise directions and some of the recipes in this book do not have that as mentioned above. I also prefer to buy food that is pre-prepped, ie. already chopped, etc. as I am extremely impatient. Budget is always a big one…and this cookbook fits most, if you’re prepared to do a little shopping.

I honestly don’t know what else to say…if you’re into healthy, food and you follow a dairy-free, gluten-free, or vegan diet then I definitely recommend you check out this cookbook.

The Care and Keeping of Colby

I would like to begin this post by introducing the star of the post, that my Mom and I are co-owners of, a soon-to-be eleven-year-old Cairn Terrier-Poodle mix named Colby.1 He asked me to share some of his recent favorite products, and to let you know how much he cannot wait until the snow melts so he can catch that blasted moe living in the front yard. Personally, I’m hoping that he never catches it as then I’ll have to dispose of the poor thing, But anyhow, on to the favorite products – some of these are things that I adore as well.

  1. Furbliss Blue Multi-functional Grooming Brush2: Colby absolutely loves this brush – he moans in pleasure while I use this, and I love how the silicone allows me to use it both in the bath and out of it. The other benefit to it being silicone is that it is perfect for when he is shedding as it cleans quite easily and quickly. I cannot wait to see how much he loves it in warmer weather when his fur is less dense.
  2. Winter Coat: Odd as this may sound, Colby absolutely loves the snow…or at least, rooting around in it. However, he cannot stand the cold and this winter coat helps tremendously. It’s not linked as I don’t recall where we got it originally, as he’s had this one for about two years. The only thing that we need to do is to add a stripe of reflective tape as he is a black dog, and when he wanders away from the porch lights, he’s difficult to see.
  3. Oatmeal Anti-Itch Pet Shampoo: I am pretty sure that I love this and the next product more than Colby, mainly because the cold wintry weather dries his skin up making him miserable. Since we started using both this and the next product in conjunction with the brush mentioned first, he has been a very happy puppy.
  4. Oatmeal Anti-Itch Dog Conditioner: At first I was hesitant about using a shampoo/conditioner combination during Colby’s baths, he’s not a big fan of water. In fact, he won’t even drink out of water puddles…but I digress, this conditioner makes him smell so delicious that I have to give him tons of cuddles – which he does love. It also makes his fur so soft and silky, but of course the next object doesn’t hurt any.
  5. 100% Certified Organic Coconut Oil for Dogs: I have to admit that I was a bit hesitant when I first heard of giving your dog coconut oil to help with skin and coat However, the difference that a teaspoon daily has made is remarkable – Colby used to chew his behind raw and he no longer does.
  6. Dog-Face Squeak Toy: I purchased this for Colby the beginning of December 2017 from Dollar Tree, and he carries it around constantly. Thankfully he broke the squeaker within an hour of receiving it, otherwise, my sanity could be called into question.

I would love to know a bit about some of your pets favorite products, or the products that you feel are essential for your pet. Also, tell me what kind of pet that you have and let me know if you want to learn a bit more about my other pet, Picasso.

  1. Obviously, pictured above.
  2. Received for free in exchange for a review

Conversations with Myself and Thoughts About Death

I am sure that you have probably already realized that I am not going to succeed in posting on here every single day, and what you may not know is that I am still trying to figure out if I am fine with this fact. To be honest, I am 90% of the way there – I know that posting quality content is way more important than quantity. Or at least that’s the important part to me, and I am the one who has to be satisfied with the whole website, and blogging process. I’m also the one who has to be satisfied with how this website, being online in general, affects my life. This means that I need to decide if I want to continue maintaining profiles on every social media platform; if I want to stress over posting every single day on a blogging platform – and if I want to make every single one of those post available to the public; if I want to delve into such topics as politics, religion, ethics, etc. that I have been avoiding thus far; or if I want to continue to stick to subjects and topics that don’t allow you the reader to truly get to know me. I also must admit that by avoiding certain topics that it makes me seem superficial, vain, and maybe just a bit self-absorbed. I would hope that those who know me offline would tell you that none of those things are true…although I can be a bit absent-minded and daydream a bit too much.

The truth of the matter is that all of this thinking is making me wonder about the impact that I’ll leave on the world if I’ll even leave one. I don’t have any children, living ones that is. Then I was searching for a blog post on my writing prompt app and I came across the one below…it seemed to fit the theme/topic that was lurking in the back of my mind. So since this prompt was the catalyst for my writing this post, here it is and here is what I wrote. Like last time, I would love to read yours – so please be sure to let me know via Twitter using the #WritingPrompt2 so I can read and comment on your post. Edit: I would like to point out that this is a complete work of fiction, and that I am using these writing prompts in a way to hopefully help me with my larger writing projects such as my numerous WIP.

Writing Prompt #2:

You find out that you will die in five years or less. How did you find this out? What would you do in those five years?

Tomorrow it will have been four years, six months, and thirteen days since the doctor informed me of my pending death. How do I know this, you may ask? Like many of us, I love to do countdowns – birthdays, holidays, Weddings, etc. and I figured that the day of your death should be celebrated since you are hopefully going to a better place. I am writing this to tell you more about how I received the news of my death, about what I have been doing the past four-plus years, and about how I plan to spend these last few months, days. I am also writing in the hope that my words will inspire you to live a better life, a life that makes you proud of the legacy that you leave.

I always knew that the females in my family had a tendency to die before they turned 40 – it’s the main reason that we all seemed to be teen parents, or if not teen parents, early 20s…none of us want to leave a small child without a mother. I know what you’re thinking, the thought of any child – regardless of age, losing their mother is both a great loss and a tragedy. My family would definitely agree with this – and we would love to figure out a way for this to never happen to one of our children again. When I was born, almost thirty-five years ago, my parents had done everything they could to ensure that I would be the one to break the family curse, to be the one who figured out a solution to what causes all of the females to die at the age of thirty-five.

Before we go any further, you need a bit more information – if you are a female in my family, you die at thirty-five. It doesn’t matter if you are transgender, adopted, etc. – you will die at thirty-five. It’s the main reason that we refuse to marry the fathers of our children – even though we do live with them so that our children have a stable home environment. We also ask that after we die – because they know from the beginning that we will, that they get married and find a mother for our children. Most of us have been very lucky in that we get to meet the woman who’ll be the future mother of our children, that we become friends with them, and that they understand the importance of keeping our memories alive for the children. The only other request that we make is that the new mother is over the age of thirty-five…it seems that is the magic number.

Why thirty-five, you are probably wondering? I wondered the same as I was growing up, and I wasn’t told until I turned eighteen. It seems that a male ancestor in the 1500s killed his wife, who was thirty-five because he wanted to marry a younger woman and have more children. As she died, she told him that no female child that held his name would live past the age of thirty-five. The ironic part is that he managed to live long enough to see that their two young daughters died at thirty-five, which was when he set the guidelines for us, that I am not allowed to share with the public.

Anyhow, I told you that I would tell you about what I have been doing and about how I plan to spend my remaining months. Oddly, they go together – I have always had an interest in the occult and how it can have an effect on the world, on the human body and I felt that the family curse had to do something with dabbling in the occult. Luckily, my parents had the money to indulge my curiosity and to pay for me to go to the best schools – ones that focused on the occult, modern medicine, and alternative medicine. I have spent the past ten years of my life working on a way to break the curse, to ensure that no other female died from this. I was also lucky enough to have plenty of willing test-subjects, and before you say that I shouldn’t have been experimenting on actual human beings – but you also aren’t facing the same situation and when you do, you can tell me if you’d approach it in the same way. Oh, wait…I’m not going to be around. For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, I am going to spend my remaining months the same way – and if I happen to find a solution, I’ll ask Jessica to tell you what happened.

Like many of you, I am waiting anxiously to hear if the curse was broken and I will be sure to update you on any news. In the future, you will get to read about the current product that my dog Colby is adoring, a cookbook that I am only slightly obsessed with, a wishlist on what I require to write, and if y’all want an update on this particular writing prompt/story. But right now, I am going to go finish downloading CC for The Sims and have a bowl of cereal for lunch while I update The Sims. I hope that y’all have a wonderful, warm day – it snowed here.

Something Tells Me I’m Going to Fail At This

I am sitting here, trying to come up with a post to write for today and realizing that I may have been a bit hasty in deciding to post every day this year. My last post was less than a hundred words, I believe, and I really didn’t say much of anything. I’m also a bit afraid that this post is going to be more of the same, despite my not wanting it to be. Anyhow, we’re going to discuss why I thought that doing this was going to be a good idea, and what is currently causing my anxiety to skyrocket – and maybe a possible solution…beyond my banging my head on the concrete floors in our apartment.

I decided to try and post every day this year because I want to get in the habit of writing regularly. I am tired of having unfinished written works laying around and knowing that it’s my fault that they’re like that. I want to finish my works – as I cannot share them with anyone until they are completed. Plus every book, article, website, etc. about writing says that in order to become a better writer, you have to write and I hadn’t been doing that. This idea is my hopefully non-foolish attempt at accomplishing both of these things…but we will see how it goes.

Moving on, my anxiety levels are sky-high. My main method of dealing with it is currently not working – well, that’s not technically correct. My TS3 game isn’t loading, so it would work if it did. :( I know the solution – get a new computer, but I won’t have the funds for it until that thing I mentioned in an earlier post happens. So I honestly don’t know what to do – but I am open to suggestions.

A Bunch of Random Nonsense…

That way I don’t totally fuck mess up my plan to blog every day in 2018, even if I don’t actually have anything to write about. Actually, I had a post in mind – but I’m not 100% ready to write it. Also, I don’t really feel like posting today, so tell me some ideas for posts to write and I’ll be glad to do them.

New Year Wishlist

It is currently 8° outside, and I’m not only cold, I have a headache as well. This means that I don’t want to write a post that requires a lot of energy/thought to be put in it. Therefore, the result of this want means that you get to read the first wishlist post of 2018 – I know, it’s very thrilling. Haha, yeah right. ;) Anyhow, I hope that you enjoy viewing some of the things that I am desiring on this glacial, January night…also, I seem to have gotten into the habit of writing the posts the night before. *shrugs* I will also admit that this wishlist is influenced by the weather, as well as my current state of mind…plus possibly some upcoming good events in my life. However, I will discuss them more as they get closer. Without further introduction, beyond the fact that this list is in no particular order, here is my wishlist for the new year!

  1. 2006 BMW X5 3.0i – One of the things that I need to do when it gets warmer is to get my Driver’s License…yes, I am in my mid-thirties and I haven’t got it yet. Why, you may be asking? I could honestly tell you several different things, but the reason is relatively simple. I haven’t wanted my Driver’s License…this hasn’t really changed, but proper motivation will soon arrive.
  2. The following items from Kylie Cosmetics: Lipstick in Passion, Lipstick in Puppy Love, Gloss in Damn Gina, Lip Kit in Koko K, Lip Kit in Candy K, Lip Kit in Posie K, Lip Kit in High Maintenance, Velvet Lip Kit in Harmony, Gloss in Cupid, and Gloss in Koko K. Then again, you could always just get me a gift card. :P
  3. Rebecca Minkoff Mini M.A.C. Crossbody in black with rose gold hardware, and if you’ve been to my blog in the past and read any of my old wishlist posts, then you’ll be well aware of my obsession with rose gold.
  4. These faux leather moto leggings would go perfectly with this neutral Reed cashmere pullover sweater and a cute pair of ankle boots. Perhaps, these would work…if only it wasn’t so damn cold or I wouldn’t look like an idiot wearing socks with them.
  5. The cold weather makes me want to stay inside, but I still want to keep up with the world via social media which means that the following items are absolute essentials: Apple iPhone SE 32GB in Rose Gold naturally, and it needs a case – a personalized one is protective in more ways than one. Then to capture all of those moments – y’all know the ones that I mean, I definitely need a selfie stick and selfie light.
  6. Then since my eyes hurt from browsing social media on my phone, it’s time to unwind by playing The Sims 4 with all expansion and stuff packs installed on my iMac Pro.

Okay, so this turned into a perfect day post, kind of…and I’m kind of fine with it, but then again…that knocks out a post for another day?! This basically means that I’m ending it here so that I can do that post another day.